


Shingeki no Zombie

by nugget_basket



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - Zombies, F/M, Mostly Fluff, Romance, Slow Build, Smut, Zombie Apocalypse, very slight angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-15 00:31:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 28,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4586157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nugget_basket/pseuds/nugget_basket
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The zombie apocalypse is here, and by sheer accident, you stumble upon another survivor - a short clean freak by the name of Levi. You find yourself drawn to him, but in the background of despairing humanity, will your love truly thrive?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Post-Fallout

**Author's Note:**

> I felt like the world needed a reader insert SnK zombie fic. Levi is your zombopocalypse boo...enjoy xD

It’s your typical zombie apocalypse.

Not that you ever thought that it would happen…you were just abnormally prepared…that’s all.

Eight months on, and more than half of humanity has been zombified. Thing is, the progression of time kills them y’see. Years from now, the world would be simply filled with rotting corpses and the remaining bits of humanity would regroup and start over, like a cleansing process. However, due to the very aggression of the zombies, humans are dying out much too fast. You’ve been traveling for miles ever since the city of Sina, and you haven’t seen many other souls – well at least one that was still alive anyway. You haven’t been taking note of the landmarks and the cities you’ve passed since then. It gets lonely, driving in your SUV with the windows down, with nothing but the purring of the engine and the wind whipping through your hair to keep you company. Your hair’s grown unruly, but for some reason, you have a tendency to spend five minutes each night working the knots out with your only comb in front of the campfire.

You’ve gotten complacent, even you admit that, but it’s easy to forget that there are flesh eating monsters who look like humans out there, ready to crack open your skull just to get to your brains right outside your car door. It started small-scale, like most other plagues. The government captured the first humans to be affected for testing. It proved as fantastic fodder for the human rights activists. It was contained, for a little while. It’s difficult to trace the roots back, but apparently it was transferred from a new species of rodent that had been discovered in the Congo. It all started with the guy who discovered it. After that, everything went haywire.

Somebody leaked documents about the human testing and the way human beings were being kept in cages in the CDC. Back then everyone was bickering about how inhumane it was, talking about how it was _wrong._ If only they could see how it is now…those guys were dead anyways. The virus still spread to one of the scientists who hid a bite, and went home, not knowing that was how it was spread. The news said he passed it to his daughter…you wince. That was a bad month. People started getting scared, but the government said not to worry, they had it all under control. Perhaps that was the moment where they could’ve called it out for what it was and placed the state under emergency, but that’s not what they did.

Not what they did at all.

The rest is in a blur for you. The government shutdown, rebellion, ransacking of every grocery store, stealing, arson, riots, the whole palooza. All of it, and for what? People died in a matter of weeks. They were stupid, trusting and took the wrong options. You? You got on the road as fast as you could, and left everything behind as soon as the shit hit the fan. You got out of the city of Trost and headed for the Great Plains. It was mostly farming territory, and not many could live out in those conditions. There were miles of deserted, empty highway for you to cruise along, and crops growing haphazardly for no one to harvest. Life is good for you right now. You’ve got canned goods in your bag, corn, tomatoes and carrots in your trunk and a stack of paper in your backseat. It was a rare find this morning, when you reached a town.

 It was devoid of life, that nameless town you passed through. The thing was with these fuckers, they moved in herds. The way the virus worked as far as you could see was they attacked any human in sight and for some reason they had this extremely slow metabolism, so they could last for days without food. They didn’t feel pain either. A lot of people died within the first week because when they fought back they didn’t go for a kill hit. Trying to incapacitate them didn’t work because they didn’t feel pain and didn’t stop attacking until they were dead. You, as far as possible, didn’t confront them or go to areas where you knew a herd would be likely lurking. You know there are humans out there but you haven’t seen one in close to three weeks. Or at least you think it’s three weeks. You’re normally careful about noting the passage of days, but sometimes you run out of paper and lose track.

You turned onto one of those side roads, hoping you’d find some kind of farm establishment at the end of these rows of corn, where you could ransack the cupboards and maybe even find running water. Might as well use it while water was still being supplied. Sooner or later it would run out. The last time you saw humans was in a town miles back. You’d been rooting through the town and turned around to find a shotgun in your face. They weren’t very nice, so you handed them the stuff you’d looted and got the hell out of dodge. You really did try to make nice and tell them they should keep moving, but they refused to listen. You felt guilt as you drove away, remembering the little girl that hid behind her father’s knee but you weren’t about to stay. It’s not like they wanted you around anyway. That’s how folk out here treat city-kids, even now.

You glance at the fuel gauge. It was almost empty, and you would have to refill within the hour or you’d be stuck out here without any gas. Thankfully, in the distance you can see a hulking farmhouse, with its whitewashed fence and a homely structure, complete with a porch upon which sits a rocking chair. You smile to yourself. How quaint. Pulling up in front of the house, you cautiously wait a moment before opening the door. Leaving it ajar and moving around to the back, you pull out a pistol and a tire iron, jamming the tire iron in the back of your jeans and cocking the pistol, keeping the barrel pointed upwards, to be safe.

You advance, and try the handle of the door with your free hand but find it’s locked. You wonder if it’s barricaded on the inside, and experimentally plant your foot heavily on the door, willing the hinges to give. However you can feel the resistance behind the door. Sighing you rub at your face and switch the safety on the pistol back on. You still need to find some source of fuel for your car. It’s nowhere near a petrol guzzler but you can’t afford to get stranded in the middle of nowhere, especially not at night when the visibility is down. You’ve seen people die because of silly mistakes. In a world like this, there is absolutely zero room for error.

You trek around the back of the house, to the back door, but it’s the same story there. No open windows, nothing, no way of entry. You wonder idly if there might be someone in there, but the house shows no signs of life, so you give up on the idea. Moving back to your car, you hit a brainwave. Most farmers have tractors, or other diesel-powered machinery. You have an extra gas container in the SUV, and a clear plastic tube of about an inch in diameter. Grabbing the tubing and the gas can, you make your way over to the large barn, praying that it isn’t padlocked. It isn’t, the doors are completely open, like someone left in a hurry. There’s an empty space beside the tractor and behind it is a rusting station wagon. You move to the station wagon first and begin the process, leaving your pistol and tire iron on the floor, removing the fuel tank cap, and inserting the tube into the tank. You blow into the tube and listen for the bubbling noise. Thank god! The fuel tank is full. You should be able to get a full tank into your car, and maybe there will be some leftover for a spare can full of gas, and you’ll be good to go for quite a while.

You start pulling up gas and depositing it into your can, spitting a couple times as the acrid fuel accidentally reaches your lips. Finally, you have about half a can of gas, so humming, you decide to go fill up your car and try to gauge how much more you’re going to need. You pick up the half full can and skip to your SUV, removing the cap and starting to pour into the tank. At this point, it seems to be about three quarters full and you stand back, stretching. If you had been paying more attention, perhaps you would not have been caught off guard.

The snarling noise alerts you and you duck out of the way out of sheer instinct. The zombie groans as it slams against you, and panicking, you shove it backwards, keeping its snapping jaws at bay while you desperately try to find a weapon. Suddenly it occurs to you that you left it in the barn. A sinking terror grips your stomach and you stare into the zombie’s clouded soulless eyes, thoughts screaming through your brain. This thing used to be a person once. It’s wearing a shirt and a tattered tie. It must have come from a city miles away. This is how you’re going to die. After all that happened, after all the effort you put in, this is how you die. Even as you struggle, you begin to accept it and let your arms go slack and your eyes slide shut, waiting for death.

Suddenly the zombie is yanked backwards, and you open your eyes in shock, in time to see someone shoot the damn thing right in the head. Shaking, you raise wide eyes to the person in question. It’s a boy…no no, he’s just a somewhat short man. You see it in his eyes. He’s expressionless, and fair, his raven hair a stark contrast to his pale skin. The effect is quite startling, and his grey eyes stare you down, daring you to say a word.

“Tch.” Is the first thing you hear coming from his sculpted lips before you pass out.

Thing is, you’re not a fighter, you’re a survivor. There’s a difference. You run before you fight. God knows how many people you’ve left behind because of it. There’s just no chance of making it out alive with those things. You don’t face these things head on, you swerve around them. That’s just how you’ve managed to keep yourself together.

“I think I hit my head.” You groan. The room is spinning and you’re entirely sure there might just be ten people in the room with you.

“You did hit your head, idiot. How did you even survive this long?” A disapproving voice echoes in your fuzzy head.

You bolt upright, excited. “Hi!”

The stranger leans back and quirks an eyebrow. “Hello, brat.”

“You’re the first person I’ve seen in forever!” You squeal, only just beginning to take note of your surroundings. You’re in some kind of living room, with a bunch of picture frames on the walls. You’re lying on a couch, your head propped up on the armrest. It’s pretty comfortable, and there’s fire roaring in the hearth. Sitting up, your gingerly touch the bump at the back of your head and wince. “Where am I?”

“It doesn’t matter where you are. When are you leaving?” He asked you with a raised eyebrow.

You frowned. Every zombie apocalypse movie or book you have ever watched or read talks about people meeting and finding solace together. That doesn’t happen much in real life though. People tend to trust people they know already. You just can’t trust people just like that. Nobody can be trusted – that is the nature of this new world. But come on, you’re human. You haven’t spoken to anyone in so long and it kind of sucks. You’re a social person at heart. You ignore his question and try to change tack instead.

“So you barricaded yourself in this house?” You ask.

The man in front of you shrugs. “There is a supply of canned food in this house, running water and crops all around. I decided to stay here until it ran out.”

“Where did you come from?” You ask.

“The city of Rose.” He murmurs, grey eyes empty. You aren’t put off through.

“How’d you get here? A car?”

“I walked.”

You gape at him.” All that way.”

“I stopped in places of course.” He clarifies.

“But still, you survived out on the road on foot, by yourself? That’s pretty awesome!”

He clears his throat with a roll of his eyes. “I am not going to be able to get rid of you, am I?”

“Dude, it’s perfect!” You protest. “We’re both alone so it makes sense! Besides, you saved my ass so the least I owe you is a ride.”

He narrows his eyes. “This is an apocalypse idiot. You can’t trust everyone you meet.”

You scoff. “I know that! But you could have left me to die out there and you didn’t. If that’s not a reason to trust someone I don’t know what is.”

The guy seems unconvinced. “You don’t even know my name.”

“What is your name? I’m f/n.” You introduce yourself, leaning back in the sofa, a reassuring smile on your face.

“Levi.” He says shortly. Levi. The name suits him. You notice for the first time that he’s wearing a cravat.

“Is that a…cravat?” You ask incredulously, reaching out fingers towards him.

“It is.” He stiffens and subtly moves away from your hand. Frowning, you give him a puzzled look and retract your digits.

“Who even wears those anymore?” You snicker, but immediately stop as he turns an icy stare on you. Looks good on him. You sigh and look around. “Did you say there was running water up here?”

 

Damn, you haven’t had a shower in days and the hot water feels so good on your skin, washing away the sweat and grime that had caked up on your person over the week. It relaxes your muscles and takes away the tension. Your hair wet, and steam rising off you, you step out of the bathroom and into the simply decorated adjoining bedroom. On the bed lies a set of pants and a sweater, a little big for you, but it’ll be comfortable for the night. Levi must’ve left them for you. You can get a new set of clothes out of your car in the morning.

Dressing in them, you go down to the living room which is blessedly empty. Poking at the fire you think about Levi, who he used to be and his past. You weren’t entirely sure if you could trust him, but at the same time, you really couldn’t bear to be on your own any longer. There was this thing that you learned about in psychology class back at the university, something known as contact comfort. Human beings needed contact with others in order to be happy. They needed touch, hugs and physical interaction to remain sane, and could in fact die without it. You don’t think Levi likes to be touched, judging from the way he shrank from you when you tried to touch him. You need to maybe find a dog.

Yawning, you pull your legs up and rest your head on the arm rest, watching the flames flicker in the hearth. They were having a sort of hypnotic effect on you and your eyelids flickered shut. You’re halfway to a deep sleep when you feel someone flick your head.

“Oi, brat.” Levi glares down at you. “Move.”

Grumbling, you move over and curl yourself up smaller on the other side of the couch, watching as he plops himself down, then close your eyes again. You sort of want to move towards him and curl up next to him just because it’s been so long since you’ve been close to someone. You’re not sure your feelings are romantic, you’re just desperate for some kind of contact. You wonder how to broach the subject. You note you must be pretty deprived to even think of approaching this with someone you’ve just met.

“Hey Levi?”

“Hm.” He doesn’t look at you, just continues to gaze stonily into the fire, the flames being reflected in his dark eyes.

“Do you know what contact comfort is?” You ask, timidly.

“I believe I’ve heard of it.” He states drily. “Are you suggesting something?”

Goddamn this guy was good.

You sit up, folding your legs and open your mouth, ready to make your case. “It’s a good kind of therapy. It’s not like there are any feelings attached to it, it’s just a healthy option for us. I mean neither of us have seen anyone else for ages, and this could be good for you know, our sanity.” You abruptly shut up when you realize you’ve been rambling.

Levi doesn’t say anything, and you want to ask if he’d at least consider it. After a few more moments of awkward (at least to you) silence, you get up and stand there for a second. “Um, good night then.” You turn to go, but stop when you hear his voice, soft but crystal clear, and maybe a little bit exasperated.

“Come here f/n.”

You pause, unsure of what to do, then throw caution to the wind and walk over to stand in front of him. He’s sitting on the sofa, one leg up, an arm resting on his knee, the other leg folded neatly under the other leg. His eyes are closed, his face set in contemplation. He pats the sofa beside him, eyes still closed, and you sit down, facing him. You’re pretty confused at this point, but you’re playing along. He holds out his arms towards you, cocking an eye open.

Safe to say you’re pretty damn surprised at this. Scooting closer to him, you slide gentle arms around him and press his limp body to yours. He’s warm and liquid in your arms and it’s been so long since you’ve been with someone like this. With an ecstatic sigh, you press your face to his shoulder, completely at peace with the world - that is until Levi flicks you on the forehead.

“Get off brat.”

You glare at him as you pull away, rubbing at your forehead. “That wasn’t nearly long enough.”

You notice he avoids your gaze, but instead looks steadily at the now dying fire. “Go sleep. We’ll be fine here for another few days.”

You sigh and give him a look before tripping up the stairs, taking them two at a time. You were very tired and while that hug had been painfully short, it did make you feel better, regardless, though you probably wouldn’t say that to Levi’s face. You slid beneath the covers of the narrow but wonderfully soft and cosy bed. You could admit to yourself at the very least that you found Levi incredibly attractive – the sort of man you’d find yourself drooling over in a café under normal circumstances. You would never dare to approach someone like him much less begin a romantic entanglement with him. For God’s sakes the man wears a cravat. He’s from a completely different world. You just knew that in his old life, he must have been some kind of hot-shot entrepreneur or CEO. Generally not the kind of person you would ordinarily see yourself with.

The barrage of thoughts upon your fatigued mind is taking its toll and you yawn. Might as well get some sleep. Looks like tomorrow is going to be one hell of a day. You turn over in your bed and rest your cheek on your hand. Within minutes you’re fast asleep.

 


	2. The Odd Pair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last day in comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually have had this sitting around for some time, so a lot of it is already complete. I'll keep 'em comin :)

The morning light is what eventually wakes you up. It’s rather early even though it’s bright outside. You’ve been able to tell ever since clocks stopped working. You wonder if Levi is up. After what happened last night, you aren’t sure what the protocol is. Does this mean you can just touch each other now without any weirdness? Probably not, you chuckle to yourself after you brush your teeth and begin to descend the carpeted stairs. You’ve been particularly careful about hygiene even after the apocalypse went down. To you, zombies didn’t factor in as a reason not be clean.

Levi seemed to think the same way. You inadvertently find yourself thinking about how sweet but salty he smelt. Shaking your head, you clear your head of these inappropriate thoughts and peek into the kitchen. Judging by the silence of the lower level of the house, Levi isn’t awake yet. This surprises you. You figured he’d be one of those rise with the sun, sleep with the moon kind of health junkies. You decide to go and get the tomatoes you were saving out of the trunk. Roasted tomatoes and maybe canned peaches if you could find some would make a pretty good breakfast in your opinion.

You go out only to find a dark head stuck in your backseat. You clear your throat and Levi raises intense eyes to stare into yours.

“Good morning.” You begin, evenly. “Care to tell me what you’re looking for?”

“Just grabbing any perishables.” He mutters, returning to his looting.

“I see.” You roll your eyes and lift the trunk door, pulling out a box of tomatoes and corn. “I’ve got it.”

You roast the tomatoes and corn (sprinkled with salt) over the fire in the hearth, storing the unused food in a cupboard in the kitchen.

“What do we do for the rest of the day?” You ask, leaning back on the sofa after breakfast.

“We’re not low on anything.” He says, clearing up the dishes with a meticulous care you’ve never seen anyone clean with before.

“Do you need help with that?” You stand, meaning to help him, but he shakes his head.

“No.”

“Come on dude, I can help.” You smile, but stop when he glares at you.

“I like to clean, okay?”

“You… _like_ to clean?” You raise both your eyebrows in disbelief.

“Yes.” He scowls and continues to rub at an already spotless dish.

You shrug. You were never a big fan of cleaning anyway. If he wanted to do it alone, you would jolly well let him. You lean back on the opposite counter-top and watch him, until he pauses to give you a look.

“Don’t you have anything better to do?’’

“No.” You answer with an impish smile which he does not return.

His eyes watch you for a moment before he turns back to the task at hand. You sigh and stare at Levis’ back, enjoying the very obvious way his muscles ripple beneath the thin white shirt he seems to favour. You’ve always had a thing for backs (don’t ask.) and Levi has undoubtedly an extremely attractive back indeed. They move like tectonic plates with a fluid grace you’ve never seen anyone else possess.

You couldn’t stop yourself from uttering a two syllable “Damn.”

His head whips around to stare at you, grey eyes smouldering rather distractingly. “What was that?”

“Nothing.” You gulp. “I’m just gonna…” You steal out of the kitchen and escape to the living room. Utterly and completely bored out of your mind, you sit on the couch and drop your head into your hands. Wanderlust has gripped you bad and you desperately want to get back on the open road. However it looks like Levi is content to stay right where he is. You wait until he’s settled on the sofa with a book you recognise as ‘The Lord Of The Flies’ to broach the subject.

You sidle up next to him, close enough that you’ll be able to carry on a conversation but not close enough to touch. He’s seated with his legs up, like a prince.

“Levi. We need to talk.” You begin.

He eyes you from under dark strands of midnight hair. “What.”

You fidget slightly, carefully picking out your words. “I want to get back on the road.”

Levi puts his book down and sighs. “There’s no point, we’re comfortable here.”

“I’m getting bored!” You confess, exasperated. “I can’t just sit around until supplies are exhausted! I say we pack all the non-perishables we can find and leave at dawn tomorrow.”

“We’ll need to refill the tank of your car.” He murmurs.

“It’s still noon. There’s plenty of time.”

He rolls his eyes, a small frown on his handsome face. “Tch. You’re not going to stop bugging me until we’re out there are you?”

You grin shyly. “Nope.”

“What about water?”

“Stock up with empty water bottles and bathe in springs and rivers. There are a lot of them out in the plains.” You say immediately.

Levi winces, as if the very thought of bathing out in the open offends him. “Fine. We’ll leave tomorrow.”

“Great!” You hop up and clap your hands together. “I’ll go stock up and make sure the tank is filled.”

He simply picks up his book again and starts up where he left off.

“You wanna help?” You place hands at your waist and stare at him.

He doesn’t even look up. “You want to leave, you do the work.”

Grumbling, you proceed outside, this time with your pistol lodged safely in your jeans, and begin the laborious process of collecting diesel and filling the tank. This time no zombies are in sight, so you’re able to finish everything without any issues. Jotting down the events of the days that have passed on the paper, you store as much as you can in the trunk, before rearranging canned food you got from the house in the backseat. You’re running out of fresh produce so you make a mental note to go out and get some.

Walking around to the back of the farmhouse and into the fields, you once again make sure your pistol is loaded before making your way cautiously into the cornrows. Picking corn is one of the more terrifying activities for you. The height of the cornrows really lowers your visibility, and every whish and snap from your footsteps and the wind gives you a cardiac arrest. It’s no fun, but necessary since corn is the easiest to get out here. You use your pocket knife to cut some corn from the tall stalks, letting them fall to the ground; you’ll pick them up later. Once you judge you have enough to last both of you for the next few days, you gather them up in your arms and start to run. This is the heart-stopping part. When you have corn in your arms, you can’t shoot a gun so the best option is to race the hell out of there, and back to your car.

Luckily, the corn fields here seem to be devoid of ‘snappers’ as you like to call them. It appears that the one that attacked you was a solo, while that is rare. Humming you pack corn into the empty cartons you keep for bounty such as this, and close and lock up the SUV. You let yourself back into the house, using the key in the flowerpot and traipse back to where Levi is passed out on the couch. The book lies forgotten, dangling from his fingers, pages brushing the hardwood floor. You kneel a little distance away from him, somewhat captivated. His mouth is slightly open, lips pink. His eyelashes cast tiny crescents of shadows on his pink skin. You can’t stop the gasp that leaves your mouth. You’d noticed how ‘purty’ (as your best friend would say) he was from the beginning but this….lying with the rays of the sun on his flawless skin, he was beautiful. It is at times like these that you wish you could paint or draw, anything that would capture the splendour in front of you, but all you can do is stare and try to imprint the image in your mind.

“Tch.” Levi’s mouth turns down slightly at the corners. “I can feel you staring, idiot.”

You choke and heat paints your cheeks scarlet. “I was wondering how to wake you up.”

He cocks an eye open and watches you impassively. “What do you want?”

“I got some corn.” You say hurriedly. “From the fields. We’re stocked up and once I pack the canned food tomorrow, we can leave.”

He opens both his eyes and sits up majestically, like a little lion. “You went into the cornrows by yourself?”

“Um…yes?” You fight the urge to wring your hands at the scolding in his tone.

“That’s dangerous.” He reaches out and whacks you upside the head before you can pull away. “Don’t go out there without me again.”

“Ow!” You rub your head, pouting. “It’s not like I haven’t done it before! I’m always careful.”

“Careful like leaving your gun in the barn?” He raises his eyebrows at you and you gulp.

“That was just _one_ time. I can take care of myself!”

Levi rolls his eyes. “That _one time_ might kill you.”

You splutter, indignant – too prideful to admit he is right – as he stretches and walks away.

“By the way, you’re making dinner tonight.” He calls. You growl, and curl your hands into fists. You might just shoot that smug little fucker. Pulling your pistol out, you make sure the safety is on, and slap it down on the mantel above the fireplace. It feels like rain; you smell the clean scent of it in the air. You give a little happy sigh and sink into the couch. It still smells like Levi and the fireplace smoke. Grabbing a cushion, you press your face into it, inhaling deeply. It reminds you of quiet winters spent drinking cocoa. You remember the way it used to be, with your dad’s favourite Icelandish musician, Sigur Ros, playing in the background.

_Essil on_

_Essil on erifet al_

_(I travelled through light)_

_(I travelled through light; I am not afraid.)_

You can almost hear your father’s baritone singing softly with the ethereal music, like a ghost in the back of your head. Those lyrics are your favourite; it makes you think of starlight and space. The nostalgia has never hit you as hard as it does now, and you can’t help the slight pricking of tears behind your closed lids. Taking in a deep breath, as the closing strains of the music play in your mind, you lift yourself up. Outside, raindrops start to pelt the glass of the windows.

 

“Dinner is served, your majesty.” You slide Levi’s bowl of mac and cheese over to him. Mac and cheese warmed over a fire was literally one of the best things in this new world, and you’d stocked up on a carton of the stuff from the grocery store in the town you passed on the way here.

“Thank you.” He digs in immediately, and the two of you eat in utter silence.

“I can’t wait to get back out there.” You say as a conversation starter.

“Why? It’s shit out there.” He demurs.

“There is the shit, but there is also the open road, cool woods, gushing springs, open fires…it can be wonderful.” You say dreamily.

Levi wrinkles his nose. “Seems uncomfortable.”

“Oh, you’re one of those office types aren’t you? Never been camping in your life, more at home in your en suite bathroom than in the forest?” You smirk.

Levi shrugs. “I just never found the opportunity.”

“Well, you have it now.” You tell him. “Might as well take it. It’s not like we can be holed up here forever right?”

He doesn’t say anything, so you continue. “My dad, he grew up in the woods. He taught me to tell the difference from poison oak and poison sumac. Which berries were edible, and which were poisonous. Not to wipe your arse with poison ivy.” You chuckled. “My old man was a riot.”

“What about your mother?” Levi asks. You’re surprised; he sounds like he actually wants to know.

“She left when I was little. My dad said she was a very sad woman.” You tap your fingers against your chin. “Didn’t matter much to me though. I never knew her, so I guess I just never cared. How about you?”

Levi stared at the rain for a moment. He sat back in his chair and ran slender fingers through his hair. “I was raised mostly by nannies. My mother was a lawyer and my father a businessman, so I didn’t get to see the either of them very much.”

You look down, not quite knowing what to say at this point, wondering if there was indeed anything that needed to be said.

“I was a lonely child.” He murmurs, his gaze far away.

You reach across the table on impulse and take his hand. “Well, you have me now.”

Levi gifts you with a rare, fond smile, gone so fast you almost think it was never there. “Tch. Brat.”

He pulls his hand away after a moment, and gets up to clear the dishes. “Good night.” You tell him. “I’ll see you in the morning, Levi.”

“Good night f/n.” He puts the plates in the kitchen sink, and walks towards you, a queer determination in his grey eyes.

“L-Levi…?” You stutter, but he says nothing, simply wraps his arms around you and pulls you close. He still smells the same, and you melt into him, your mind blank.

“Have a good sleep.” He releases you just as abruptly.

“W-what was-“

He gives you a sardonic look. “Contact comfort.”

“Oh.” You feel strangely disappointed. “Yes, of course. Sleep well.”

You turn and go up the stairs, feeling oddly disconnected. It appears every day with Levi will be weird. You can’t tell what’s going on in his mind at all. Pushing the confusion that was your taciturn companion from your mind, you think about your father. You’ve been ignoring any thought of him that pervaded your mind ever since shit went down. Your father was after all, one of the scientists who were studying the virus _Titan_ and he was one of the first to go during the outbreak. You didn’t stop to go find him or anything, back then, you just left. He called you, in the middle of the night, and told you to get the hell out of town, that the Titan virus was spreading, and quickly.

You followed his instructions without a single query, believing somewhat stupidly at the time, that he’d make it, but deep down, you knew from the start he was screwed. He knew it too, obviously. The first week was one of terror and guilt. You ignored cries of people from the roadside for help, because you could see the bites on their necks and their arms, and you knew it was over for them. It was the right thing to do of course, but you hated yourself for it. Still did sometimes. You weren’t able to save them.

Perhaps someday, you’ll forgive yourself.

You don’t sleep well that night.


	3. Silent Drives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the road again, Levi seems to be warming up to you. Hmmm...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am fucking ashamed at how corny this is. I'm so sorry lmao

The bed is as empty as it always has been when you wake up, the pillow cool beneath your cheek. You run the pads of your fingers along the chilly sheets, where your warmth has not reached. You throw an arm over your eyes, wishing you could go back to sleep. Today is the day you will finally be leaving this suffocating place. It will be a shame though, the house is lovely and comfortable. You can’t be tied down here forever, so it will be better to leave before you start getting attached to the place. Right now, settling down is unthinkable. Perhaps you’ll be back, who knows?

Something foreign pokes your forehead. Opening your eyes, you gaze into Levi’s irritated face.

“Brat, get up and let’s get a move on.”

You grumble loudly. “For someone who was reluctant to leave, you’re very enthusiastic about this.”

He doesn’t answer but grabs the thick duvet covering you and yanks it off, exposing you to the frosty morning air. You yelp at the sudden removal and glare at the uncaring offender. “I hate you.” You mutter into the pillow, letting the last wisps of sleep slip like smoke from your grasp.

“Hurry up, slowpoke.”

“I’m hurrying, I’m hurrying.” You call at his retreating back as you prepare to get up good and proper. By the time you make it downstairs, the first strains of daylight are peeking through. You groan. The little bastard woke you up at sunrise. You can’t help but yawn as you get into the driver’s seat.

“What are you doing?” Levi frowns at you.

“Driving.” You reply, irked. He is just getting on your nerves with his attitude so early in the morning. You’re beginning to wonder why you even missed interacting with people in the first place. You can’t deal with him without caffeine, and you mentally beat yourself up for never ever taking coffee even when it was right there next to the powdered milk.

“You’re not driving like that.” He shakes his head. “You can barely keep your eyes open. Get into the passenger seat.” Levi hands you a large vacuum flask, the kind one would take on a family picnic.

“What’s in this?” You ask, as you heave yourself up from out of the car.

“Coffee.” Levi answers plainly.

“Really?” You squeal and throw your free hand around his waist, giving him a quick side-hug. “Thank you!”

Pink suddenly dusts his cheeks slightly, and you chuckle. “It’s just coffee, f/n.” His voice is even, but the blush gives it away, and you smile.

“Thank you anyway.” You get into the passenger seat, and unscrew the cap of the thermos, pouring some into the cap. The beverage smells aromatic and bitter, just how you like it.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t put any sugar into it. The house didn’t have any.”

“No, it’s perfect.” You assure him, taking a sip. It tastes familiar on your tongue, hot and strong. Your fingers squeeze around the cup and you breathe the aroma in. You’ve always associated memories with different tastes and smells, and this brings up memories of mornings spent buying coffee from the little hipster café around the corner from your house. The cashier there was cute, with big blue eyes and brown hair, and he always gave you a smile when you went in. They even had little tables by the glass windows, but you preferred to sit at the back with your book, and watch everyone pass.

You place the coffee securely in one of the coffee holders and lean back in your seat. The world rushes by your window, a blur of earth and sky merging. The windows are half down, the wind filling up the car, streaming through your hair. You know you’ll have a real tangle of hair to work your comb through tonight, but you really can’t care at this point. It feels so good to be in your beloved car, racing down the roads. It’s been a while since you were able to just sit in a moving car without doing anything, and it’s nice to relax like this. Your spirit feels free again, and you close your eyes, sensing everything with just your nose and ears. You smell the dryness in the air that always comes around in the autumn. It’s the time of the year right before winter where the leaves turn golden and orange and brown, drifting down from the branches of trees steadily.

You see leaves floating on the wind in your mind’s eye, sitting in that café, watching strangers hurry by, turning their collars up against the first winds of the year. Funny thing about human beings. You, as a writer, never once rushed anywhere. You had the world and time, peace resonating within you. You have two tattered, thumbed through novels of your own in the backseat. They were one of the few things you had time to grab. You lived life at your own pace, tucked away in your mind half the time. People always said you seemed to float along rather than walk. You wrote with your headphones half on, music in one ear, the mellifluous buzz of life in the other. You went into that café every day and ordered the same thing, but you never spoke to anyone, and no one spoke to you. That was your corner, untouched by the rest of the world.

You never were a part of that world, not really. You were too different to blend in, as all writers often were. It wasn’t that people didn’t like you, you had friends. It’s just that you chose to spend so much time alone, it was so easy to forget about the rest of the world. You were eccentric, short tempered one moment, calm the next. You were a tropical storm, thunder and lightning and rain swirling together in a heady mix only to clap to a stop, folding into yourself to become silent once more. You were sometimes moody, sometimes sad, sometimes crazy, sometimes ecstatic, sometimes loving, sometimes annoyed. There was no in between with you. It was all extremes and hard angles. Passion tempered with dreaminess and flaming with youth.

You open your eyes, and let them slide over to Levi. His eyes are focused on the road ahead, mouth in a tight line. You smile. He isn’t like you at all. Calm, collected, focused. Not prone to moodswings, possibly emotionally constipated. He is Lake Geneva, still and silent. Next to him, you are the Atlantic sea, raging and troubled. His hair lifts in the rush of air, a black halo around his head. He’s beautiful, you think. You want to reach out, and touch. What would it feel like? His hair running through your fingers? Perhaps like a silken waterfall. His skin would be velvet to the pads of your slender fingers. You sigh heavily, closing your eyes, returning to your thoughts. A writer’s thoughts, you decide, are dangerous things. They evoke the emotions you’ve pressed down, deep into your heart. Before you know it, you’ve fallen asleep, lulled to unconsciousness by the sound of the engine.

When you wake up, you see you’ve slept for a few hours already. It seems to be past noon. You had a dream of your father again, and Sigur Ros playing while you typed away on your laptop.

You sit up straighter in your seat and look out the window, even though the constant stream of air makes your eyes burn and tear. You close your eyes against it, unable to bear it any longer, feeling wetness trickle down your cheeks. There is too much. Too much nostalgia, too much memory, too much feeling, and your heart is squeezing with the onslaught. You wipe your eyes as surreptitiously as you can manage on the edge of your long sleeves and bite your lip. Why now? Why are you thinking of all these things now? Levi, what did he change? He reminds you of companionship, you realize. He reminds you of fires blazing in the winter. He reminds you of days spent writing at café tables with a piping hot cup of coffee with milk and probably more sugar than was healthy at your side. He reminds you of all you lost. Loss.

Filled with a sense of purpose, you reach into the back of the car and draw a sheaf of paper from the backseat. Scrabbling around in the glovebox, you locate a black fountain pen. Feeling the familiar weight of it, you close your fist around it, pulling yourself together. Dad bought it for you, back when you got your first paycheck from a magazine that bought your short story. He wasn’t earning much back then either, so it meant a lot. You didn’t use it much, because ink was hard to come by nowadays and it wouldn’t do if you ran out, so you just kept it, thinking perhaps someday there’d be occasion to use it.

You figure today is as good a time as any.

Levi is alerted by the commotion. He doesn’t look at you much when he’s driving so you’re surprised when he clears his throat. “What are you doing?”

“Writing.” You tell him, shortly, your tone indicating that he shouldn’t ask any more questions.

“About what?” Clearly he doesn’t get it.

“Memories.” You glare at him; he’s interrupting your flow. Rolling his eyes, he turns back to the road.

“Writers.” He mumbles but you ignore him.

You start writing, scratching letters onto the paper.

_Autumn was always my favourite season. The leaves began to slip off the branches of the old trees that lined the pavements outside my apartment. The guy living below my place (I always thought he was gay) started wearing these fashionable cashmere sweaters around this time of year. Mrs Kudrowski stopped letting her cat out because ol’ Matty started getting stuck in the kitty door. The last autumn was one of the best. Dad came by more often to have tea (He always had tea, never coffee) and I’d stir honey in because it was cold outside and he liked honey. Caleb, my best friend, he would bring his girlfriend, Beatrice over for dinner with Dad and I every Sunday. I was the only family he had, Caleb. I think he died the first week, I don’t know._

You pause, and gaze out the window. You still don’t actually know what happened to Caleb. You hope he and Beatrice got out safe, but part of you knows that wasn’t the case.

_The café I frequented came up with spicy, hot beverages like Truffle Tea, or Cinammon Chili Coffee, both of which tasted heavenly. I bought a new fur lined jacket. I think it’s in the trunk of my car right now. I never really got to use it all that much, but it’s getting cold again, so perhaps I’ll get the chance. Let’s pray I never get blood on it, that’ll be a bitch to get out. Hah. Autumn in the city isn’t quite the same as in the Great Plains. I spent the year there with Uncle Mitch and Aunt Lizzy once as a child. He had three daughters and a son, and I used to play with them. Uncle Mitch, he’d rake up the leaves in the yard into huge piles, and the rest of us would go and jump in them. He’d rake them up again and the cycle would repeat itself, but Uncle Mitch never complained. The leaves there were so different, colourful shades of burnished leather, soft burgundy, amber, and buttery yellow._

_I asked Dad once: Why do the leaves change colour? He told me the trees were getting rid of their summer dresses to herald the winter. But Daddy, I asked, why are they celebrating winter? It’s cold, and white and wet. It’s not something to celebrate at all! He laughed and picked me up. Well, kiddo, change may not seem all that great at first, but it’s always something to look forward to. Winter may be cold, and wet, but it’s beautiful. And he was right. Winter was harsh and frosty, but it was a tempestuous beauty. It was a flurry of ice and hail, but it had charm to it; I began to adore the raw glory of it. Beneath the layer of fresh, unmarked snow, something was waiting to be set free._

_I think my father was the one to bring out the writer in me, from the very beginning. He showed me the beauty in life; the things that deserved to be written about. But even then, there are things words cannot portray. I cannot put into words the things in my heart. There are some things that simply cannot be said; that refused to be said, but only felt with a lonely soul. There are things which cannot be communicated, but weigh you down with every moment. There are things left unsaid, that will never be said, and that will stay with me for the rest of my life. A kind of sorrowful joy, that I cannot understand and cannot let go of. They follow me, haunt me from a distance. I love them with surrender and hatred._

Your heart feels heavy as you put down the pen. It’s a painful but necessary process, and one you have never quite faced till now. You look up to find Levi watching you out of the corner of his eye. “You okay?”

You shrug. “I’ll be alright.”

Levi eyes you. “You said you were a writer. What have you written?”

“My pen name is (Whatever pen name you would write under xD).” You reply.

“I’ve never heard of you.” Levi says.

“You wouldn’t. I’m not a very well known writer, but I do have my fans.” You grin.

He smirks. “I don’t read all that much. Except for the classics.”

“You were reading Lord of The Flies, weren’t you?” You ask offhandedly. “Did you enjoy it?”

“It was interesting. A little disturbing perhaps.”

“The truth always is.” You place the pen and paper in the glove compartment carefully, and turn to him. “We always have trouble facing it, even though the greatest freedom is found in acceptance of it.”

He turns onto a different highway. If you remember correctly, it will take you both through a few small towns, and you should be able to find somewhere to spend the night as well as stock up.

“You even talk like a writer.” He comments.

“Want me to take over?” You ask. “One of my novels are in the backseat, you could read that if you like.”

“Sure.” He pulls over at the nearest road shoulder and the two of you switch. You tighten your grip on the steering wheel, and step on the gas. You glance at the novel Levi chose, a little amused to find he’s picked up your best one, The Alone Kid. It sold quite a bit that one, popular among your adult readers. It had that nostalgic, time-weary feel to it that perpetuated all your novels. You’re not too sure Levi will like it though. It’s about a man who struggles with his identity and looks back to his formative years to help himself through his current battles with sexuality and AIDs. He spends a lot of time in his head, and the book reads like a constant internal monologue much like The Catcher in the Rye. People always ask why the name of the main character is Pluto, and you always tell them the same thing.

“It’s interesting you named him Pluto.” Levi smiles, a genuine smile, but with a quality of sadness to it. “Pluto’s technically a planet, but it’s been denounced to just a rock that revolves around the sun. I suppose in the same way, Pluto in this book doesn’t belong anymore because he as AIDs even though he still is a part of their society. No one views him as human anymore because of it.”

Your mouth falls open. “Yes, that’s exactly right! Everyone’s always asking me about it, you’re the first one to get it spot on.”

Levi’s smile becomes arrogant. “I see.”

In the book, Pluto gets AIDs from his girlfriend, Maya, who dies because she didn’t get it diagnosed. In between dealing with his grief over her death, he also has to deal with the fact that he contracted AIDs from her. He swings between simultaneously loving and despising her, which confuses the hell out of him. He meets a guy, Damien, at a support group for people with AIDs and they get to talking. Damien tells him that as long as Pluto has AIDs, he’s living on borrowed time, so might as well do with it what he wishes to do. He makes a move on Pluto, but Pluto rebuffs him, and Damien leaves. Pluto doesn’t know what to do about it, because he believes that sleeping with Damien will ruin Maya’s memory. At the same time, he wants to sleep with Damien as a sort of vengeance towards Maya. Pluto starts to drink more, and dissolve into a spiral of hatred towards both Maya and Damien that he directs towards himself. He stops taking his meds as well. The book ends with Pluto dying, and attaining ‘freedom’.

It was one of the works you were proudest of, and you loved Pluto like he was real. It was, crazily enough, one of the hardest things you have ever had to do, killing Pluto. You looked at Levi. He seemed to be really into it, his grey eyes drinking in every word, flicking restlessly across the page, a frown tugging at his pink lips.

Hours later, he speaks. “It’s a shame.”

You look up, startled. You’re in the middle of loading the supplies you cleared out of the local grocery store into the car, alone, because Levi insisted on finishing your book.

“What is?” You ask, a tad annoyed because he’s not helping you out, and he seems to be criticizing your writing.

“It’s a shame that you won’t be able to write anymore.” Levi held up my book, with a picture of a hand clutching a disintegrating rose. “This is one of the more provocative things I’ve read in a long time.”

The back of your neck turns hot, and you smile wholeheartedly at the praise. “Thanks, but it wasn’t all that great, really.”

Levi murmurs, staring down at the cover. “I felt something…near grief…when he died.”

“I cried when I wrote that.” You say. “All my characters are dear to me, like children.”

Levi puts my book down in the backseat and takes a box from me. “Let me help you.”

As you both work to stock up before dusk completely takes over the world, you think about how you felt when you came up with the plot for The Alone Kid. You had to do your research on AIDs and ask doctors and people suffering from AIDs for their input, but Pluto’s character and emotions had come from your mind. The one thing you really had in common with Pluto was the loneliness you felt despite the number of people surrounding you. You stared at Levi’s midnight-coloured hair. Perhaps if Pluto had found a Levi instead of a Damien, he’d have found the will to go on.

Maybe this Alone Kid would have a different ending.


	4. The Second Coming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winter is coming, and with it, new people.

It’s getting chilly, and you can feel winter slowly coming nearer and nearer. You’re prepared of course. You always are. The only thing is, you’re miles away from the winter cabin that Dad bought back when he first started rising as a scientist in the biomedical field. He started out with a research team of about 5 people, and to celebrate, he bought a winter cottage in the north. It’s well stocked with canned food, it’s kept clean, and you just need to get to it. It’s marked with a red circle on the tattered map in your glove box, and you’re waiting for the beginning smatters of snow. In these parts, winter always creeps in over the land and before you know it, you’ve woken up in the morning and everything’s white. The snow looks fluffy and soft, but when you plunge your hands in, warmth seeps out of your hands only to leave wetness and frost. Cheeks become red, and the tips of fingers freeze, and eyelashes get crusty with ice.

“Winter’s almost here.” You mention to Levi, rubbing your hands as you watch him pile driftwood.

“Feels like it.” He rubs the back of his neck. “I hate the cold.”

You reach over and pull a log out of the pile. “Careful, these are a little wet. If the wood’s too wet, you get more smoke than fire.” You search around you, picking up a few of the drier fir cones. “Here, these’ll burn pretty good too.” You put away your dry fishing rod, making sure the bait and hooks are put away safely.

Levi eyes you, with half disgust and half awe. “You’re so well prepared for this, it’s creepy.”

“What can I say? This is all my father’s influence. He taught me how to hunt and fish, though I never got the hang of hunting.”

“I used to hunt. I’m not too bad with a hunting rifle.”

You grin. “Good, cause I got one of those too, and I haven’t used it much.”

Levi chuckles, which is definitely getting more and more common these days. On his insistence, for the first three days you’ve been out on the road, you’ve been sleeping in the houses in the small towns. But these are the Great Plains, and finally, you’re out of the populated areas. There’ll be more to come, but for now, you’ve gotta hunker down in a tent. You pitch the tent behind the car, facing it away from the wind, so that the fire is well covered. Not only is the smoke less likely to travel, making you less likely to attract snappers, it keeps the chill out and the warmth of the fire in. You take over once the wood is piled up, and use the old friction technique to start a tiny flame, poking at it until it grows and consumes the pile.

You sit on the grass next to the extra wood, and yawn. “I think we can stay here for a day tomorrow. I saw some plantations on the other side of the road. I’m thinking we can stock up a bit for the next few days since we’re running out of corn.”

Levi makes a face. “Every day it’s corn, corn, corn.”

“Corn’s easy to get out here.” You shrug. He pulls out the last of the vegetables and the fish you caught earlier and pretty soon, they’re grilled and ready to eat. The fish is a little bland but has that smoky flavour and texture you’ve been used to since you were a kid. You both lapse into silence to munch. You throw the bones into the fire, and dust off your hands.

“I’ll take first watch.” Levi says. You nod, and crawl into the tent, wondering if you’ll be able to sleep tonight. You had plenty of sleep in the car while Levi was driving. It always lulls you to sleep for some reason. You stare up at the translucent top of the tent, clutching your blanket to your chin. It’s even colder in the night time. You’re both basically stocking up for winter. As much as you hate being confined, you’ll have to hole up with Levi in the winter cabin. It would be suicide to get stuck out here in the wilderness during winter, and you’re slowly making your way to it, picking up as many non-perishables as you possibly can for the three winter months. If you stock up enough, you’re certain it won’t be too much trouble to simply go out every now and again to cut wood. You’re sure there’s a wood cutting axe at the cabin garage.

You feel like you’re getting closer to Levi, but the annoying part is you’re starting to kind of develop feelings for him. You’re not sure if this is because he’s the only one you interact with, but the close proximity with him is making you start falling for his dumb quirks, his little laughs, his sardonic smiles, and his deadpan humour. He’s witty, but reserved. While jokes from him are a rarity, they always make you laugh extra hard, and he seems to like hearing you laugh. He has this weird habit of suddenly hugging you every night right before you sleep, and you’ve grown to kind of look forward to the way he holds you tight. He explains it away with contact comfort, but you’re not too sure you buy that anymore.

Which reminds you that you haven’t actually gotten your hug yet. You sit up, and make your way out of the tent. The fire’s still crackling, and Levi’s sitting with his back to a tree, his dark eyes quietly watching. He reminds you of an old king presiding over his court. His eyes watch you as you slowly make your way over.

“Couldn’t sleep.” You explain, with a sheepish smile. He nods, and gestures to the spot beside him, and you sink into it. You press your back against the tree, turning your face up to the sky. There are a gazillion stars blinking up there, some bright and some slightly faded. You imagine them to be old men, wise and watching. You wonder if the stars have stories of their own, where they’ve watched human beings grow and the world change. Your knees are touching Levi’s and you’re hyper aware of every tiny bit of contact between the two of you. Deciding to take a chance, you slip your arms around his middle and angle your head so that it’s resting on his shoulder. He stiffens momentarily, then relaxes into the embrace, settling an arm around your shoulders. The two of you sit like that, without speaking, with only the crackling of the fire and the chirping of the crickets and the occasional hoot of an owl for company.

Your neck cricks when you wake up, and there’s a blanket tucked snugly around you. You must’ve fallen asleep; you’re back in the tent. You don’t remember having gotten up and walked in, so Levi must have carried you here sometime in the night. You toss the blanket off yourself and crawl stiffly out, stretching your tense muscles. You yawn and grab another change of clothes, padding down to the creek that lies a little way through the trees. In your sleep-addled mind, you don’t think about where Levi might be and if it’s even safe to go wandering on your own like this, with no method of self-protection. It’s a gorgeous day, and sunlight filters through the trees, casting a green tinted glow on everything. Leaves drift down as you walk, feet crunching on the bed of natural debris. Chirrups and cheeps blend in a glorious melody with the shifting of the wind. You think introspectively that Mother Nature seems altogether more beautiful with human intervention removed.

You finally reach the creek and sit at the water’s edge, rubbing your eyes. The weather isn’t the best for outdoor bathing, but what else can you do? You start by pulling off your sneakers and socks, neatly putting them together with your new clothes on a dry rock. There are fish in the water, directly beneath you and you giggle to yourself, waving at them. They scatter as soon as you move. Humming, you pull of your plaid shirt and toss it to the side. Suddenly you freeze. There’s a neat pile of clothes near to where you’ve thrown your t-shirt, and it’s not yours. Terrified, your mind exploring all the dangerous and awful possibilities as to whom these might belong to, you lift your eyes to scan the creek. Dark grey eyes watch you from across the width of the body of water, perhaps about ten feet away. You choke.

“I was wondering when you were going to realise.” Levi remarks drily, his gaze travelling the length of your body.

It suddenly occurs to you that you only have a thin undershirt on and you shiver, heat rising up your neck, the backs of your ears and your cheeks. Wrapping your arms around yourself, you mumble apologies and scuttle back, reaching for your discarded shirt and pulling it back around your shoulders. This only seems to amuse Levi, that and the fact that you can’t seem to take your eyes off him. You gulp. He was hot before, but damn, Levi hair flat, dripping water onto his slick, leanly muscular body…he’d surpassed hot, blasted right through gorgeous and into smokin’ territory. For the first time in a long time, desire curled in your belly, like a sleeping dragon waking after a long hibernation.

“Are you _naked?_ ” You croak, desperate for some kind of distraction. Unfortunately, the thought of Levi in absolutely nothing under that stirring water did nothing to curb the lust that seemed to be spreading through your brain, erasing all function.

“Yes.” Levi’s mouth curves upwards in…in what? Invitation? Humour? God, he’s such a tease. You grit your teeth, and turn your back on him. You retreat hurriedly back to where you’ve set up camp and take refuge in the backseat of the SUV, fountain pen in hand and paper on your lap. Breathing in deep, you clear your mind of all thoughts like you always used to when you began writing.

_I came upon the idea for The Alone Kid while watching a documentary on bullying. I don’t know why I liked to watch these, but I just did. I’d get all mad at the injustices that were being suffered and I’d yell at people through a TV screen. Not that I’d ever yell at someone in real life; I hate confrontations. I prefer to work things out without really arguing, or maybe if all else fails, just run away. But I’m getting off target here. My fourth book had just been released and it wasn’t doing too well. My editor, a gay man named Carter, told me that I needed something more controversial and more groundbreaking in order to even think of gaining popularity as a writer. To sort of tease him, I was lazily going over LGBTQ story ideas while watching TV and I began thinking about gay men, and how everybody always thought they were the ones who were at the highest risk of getting HIV when that wasn’t really true. Anyone who didn’t use protection was in the risk group, that’s all._

_I switched off my TV, took out my old notebook (I kept several lying around the house for moments such as these) and jotted down ideas revolving around HIV. That was when I came up with Pluto’s story, his name, everything. I think at that point, I was feeling lonely. Caleb was spending more and more time with Beatrice, and I was feeling a little neglected. At the same time, I didn’t want to see him all that much because I’d just gone through a really bad break-up and the utter joy he had found with Beatrice made me happy for him, but also sick to my stomach. That same clash of emotion also came out in Pluto’s story. But really, I don’t know why I’m writing about all these things. They don’t matter all that much anymore._

_Right now, all that matters is the day to day. Living. Surviving. That’s really the only thing on my mind these days. That, and him. Him, of course, being my new companion, Levi. Levi with no last name. Of course, I didn’t tell him my last name either. Apparently, that’s not a thing anymore, from the little I know of apocalyptic human behaviour. I have to admit though, that man is just handsome as all hell. His personality just draws you in, I swear. I can’t understand where he gets all that magnetism. I can just picture him in a suit with that damn cravat, ladies hanging off his arms giggling and tittering in his ear. Even though he’s short, he commands attention and respect; he’s just one of those kinds of people._

_Lately though, there’s been, well, a shift in the way we behave towards each other. It’s like we are both starting to want more from each other, and I don’t know when that changed. I want to give him more, but at the same time I want to turn tail and never see him again. I’m not sure if this has been brought about by the fact that we are forced to live, eat and sleep together. There’s no one else around, just the two of us. Surely that must have led to some kind of manifestation of physical attraction. He probably has needs. After all, so have I. It’s starting to worry me though. I can almost feel that the longer the time we spend together, the higher the chance that one day all this tension is going to lead to something both of us may regret._

“F/n.” There’s a tap at the window, and you panic, jerking upwards. It’s just Levi, and you sigh with relief, opening the door.

“Sorry about before.” You mutter, not meeting his eyes.

“It’s fine. You can go take a bath now.” He runs fingers through his wet hair, and you watch him walk away. As soon as he disappears from your sight, you stow the sheaf of papers under a box and replace the pen in the glove box. You can continue later, during watch.  Once you’re done with showering and combing through your hair, you count stock. You’ve got more than enough food for now, so it would be smarter to just continue on to the nearest town to get more canned and boxed food.

“ _F/n!_ ” Levi’s voice sounds breathless, with a slight element of worry in it.

“Levi?” You look back, concerned.

“You have a first aid kit, don’t you?” Levi sprints to your side, fingers digging into your arm.

“Y-yes!” You stutter, eyes wide. Moving to the back of the SUV, you quickly dig through the contents, pulling the white kit marked only with a red cross from somewhere behind a couple of boxes. Levi sounds calm, but his eyes are sworls of grey.

“Follow me, and hurry.” He turns and begins to run westward, deep into the forest. You hurry after him, legs pumping as fast as you can manage.

Soon, you both reach a clearing of sorts, where a young woman lies, two young children next to her. You drop to your knees beside her, and look her over. There’s a deep gash in her calf and another cut on her forehead. You ignore the children for now, focusing all your attention on the young lady.

“Hey there.” You murmur soothingly. “What’s your name?”

Her eyes swivel, focusing with some difficulty on you. Her hair is dirty, and her face is caked with dirt, but you can tell she’s a pretty young girl, perhaps only about 20 or so.

“Petra.” She whispers, hoarsely.

“Okay Petra, don’t worry now, you’re gonna be fine.” You turn to Levi. “Give me the gauze, some cotton and the scissors, please.” You mop up the cut on her forehead with cotton and snip a piece of gauze. Folding it up, you use surgical tape to pack it tightly over the cut. That being taken care of, you feel her forehead. It’s hot as hell, and she seems to have problems keeping her eyes open.

“She might have an infection, Levi.” You tell the short man next to you. “The gash on her leg is far too deep, and I don’t have any way of sewing it up.” You mop at the gash with cotton, trying to get rid of as much dried blood as possible. Then, you pour disinfectant onto cotton swabs and proceed to disinfect the wound. “Hey, Petra, this is going to hurt a little sweetie, stay with me okay?” She nods weakly, and you dab gently. Even then, it elicits a gasp and a hiss of pain from her. Levi takes her hand and holds it tight, watching you work. You immediately squash the possessive irritation that action provokes in you, and wrap bandages securely around the gash, finally securing it with a safety pin and some surgical tape.

Finally done, you rock back on your heels and sweep your hair back from your face. You take a moment to look at her kids. There’s a little boy and a girl with hair as black as Levi’s. The boy has green eyes and the girl has dark brown eyes, almost black. You smile at them reassuringly. “Don’t worry, your Mommy’s going to be okay.”

“She’s not our mommy.” The little boy pipes up. “We don’t have a mommy.”

“Oh.” You bite your lip, not quite knowing how to respond to this. “What’s your name?”

“My name is Eren. I’m six years old.” He tells me proudly. “This is Mikasa. She doesn’t talk much.”

Levi slips his arms under Petra’s limp body. She’s fast asleep, as far as you can see. She looks like she needs it, so you reach your hands out to the two kids. Eren immediately takes your hand, but Mikasa shoots him a look, as if to decipher if it’s alright. Eren nods and she distrustfully slides her tiny fingers into yours. You squeeze both their hands gently, and set off behind Levi back to camp.

You spend some time bathing the two kids first. There isn’t much to do about clothes, so you wait until their underwear is washed and dry before dressing them. You make a mental note to search for more clothes for all of you in the next town. As for Petra, you dip a cloth in water give it to her to wash off as much of the dirt as she can without getting her bandages wet. You sit with Eren and Mikasa, showing them how to draw with sticks. Petra is sleeping off the fever in the tent; you gave her some meds to fight the infection. You’ll have to stock up on medicines and bandages as well.

Levi sits next to you as Eren points and giggles at the fish in the creek while Mikasa stands, stoic and silent, next to him.

“How’s she doing?” You ask him.

“Her fever’s gone down. It looks like she’ll be fine.”

“Who’re the kids?”

Levi gazes at the top of Mikasa’s head. “She said she was helping out at an orphanage, and the three of them are the only survivors. They’ve been walking for miles.”

“I see.” You stand up, worried Eren’s getting too close to the water, but Mikasa is ahead of you, pulling him back by the collar of his sweater. You gave them both your sweaters to wear. “We’ll need to get them warmer clothes in the next town.”

“It won’t be a problem.” Levi states, calmly.

You don’t respond, just keep a watchful eye on the children who have been thrust so suddenly into your care. “Eren, don’t get too close to the water!” You call, arms out to him. He runs over to your side and waves a pebble, smooth to the touch, in your face.

“Look f/n, isn’t it pretty!” He yells, and you smile, ruffling his hair.

“Sure is.” You agree, picking him up. He’s a bit heavy, but you don’t mind. You hold your hand out to Mikasa who takes it silently. “Let’s go see Petra shall we?”

“Will Petra be okay?” Eren asks, fingers in his mouth.

“She’ll be fine.” You assure him. You, the kids, and Levi troop back to camp. Petra’s sitting on a log, sipping at some boiled water. Eren jumps out of your arms, and goes over to her. Mikasa hangs back, eyes barely visible under her bangs.

“You okay, Petra?” Eren inquires.

“I’m fine, Eren. Don’t worry about me!” She tells him, with a big smile. Petra is astonishingly lovely with all the dirt washed off her. Her hair is short and blonde and her eyes are a pretty, aged bronze colour. “Thank you for saving me.” She looks at you and Levi, gratitude in the lilt of her voice.

“Don’t worry about it. How’d you even get a cut like that?” You squat next to her.

“We were running from zombies.” She supplies, fear flashing momentarily in her eyes. “I tripped and must’ve cut my leg open on a fallen branch.”

“Wait.” Your eyebrows furrow. “You were running from zombies? A herd?”

“Yes.” She nodded. “There were a lot; we just kept running.”

“Huh.” Panic makes you jerk upright. “And they were following you?”

“Yes.” Petra’s eyes grow round.

“How long have we been here, Levi?”

“An hour at least…what, you think they might be approaching us?”

“Snappers always continue in the same direction, unless there’s something to sway them from the path. We’re the only ones out here for miles, so it’s likely that they might reach us soon.” You rattle off, packing everything in sight and starting to shove it into the trunk of the car.

That’s the moment when you all hear the groans and the shuffles. You immediately grab Mikasa, who’s nearest to you and settle her in the backseat, strapping her in. Levi does the same for Eren while you jump in the driver’s seat and start up the car. The sound of the engine starting rings in your ears; you’ve never noticed how loud it is until this moment. Snarls fill the air and snappers burst into the copse. “Fuck!” Levi lifts Petra, bridal style and shoves her into the backseat.

A snapper reaches for him as he turns away but he kicks it in the stomach, repelling it. Vaulting into the passenger seat, he slams the door, and you depress the gas pedal. Dust kicks up behind the SUV as you swerve onto the road. There’s blood welling at your lip where you’ve bit down too hard. Behind you, Eren is shivering in Petra’s arms. You’ve left some of your food supply back there, and given the fact that you now have three more mouths to feed, that’s not good news. Your tent is gone, so no more camping, not right now anyway. No one speaks for a good thirty minutes, and darkness is starting to set in by the time Levi speaks.

“You’ll have to drive all night.” He reaches for the map in the glove box. “We should be able to reach the cabin in two days.”

“Not an issue.” You mutter. You’re wide awake. Somewhere around 4AM according to the dashboard clock, it starts to snow.


	5. Snowfall, Steady and Slow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crisis averted, you're on your way to the cabin. But seriously what the hell is up with Levi and Petra?

The heater is sapping more and more fuel, and you’re going to need to find a place to get more petrol very very soon. The rest are all asleep, and it’s as quiet as death. It’s pitch black outside and you’ve got your high beams on. It’s not helping fuel conservation at all, and you’re starting to get a little worried about that. Thank god, finally a sign comes into view. You can barely read it, but you think it says 10 miles, which isn’t much at all, thank god. You’re sure there’ll be a fuel pump around there somewhere, which is good because you’ve only got just enough to make the trip. When you reach the town, it’s still dark, but you soon spy one of those small town gas stations. You almost expect there to be an attendant dressed in the blue overalls, young, maybe looks a little like a teenage Eric Stoltz. The thought brings a smile to your face. Some Kind Of Wonderful was one of your favourite movies. You’ll probably never get to watch it again.

You bring the SUV to a halt by one of the pumps and switch off the engine, hoping no one notices. Just for safety’s sake, you leave the doors shut. It might get a little stuffy, but you’ll be done pretty quick. You’ve got your pistol in your back pocket, but you grab the tire iron out of the trunk, making sure to be quiet so as not to wake any of your sleeping passengers. You’re not in the least bit tired; you’re too anxious to sleep anyway. You try out the pump, relieved to see it still dispenses fuel. Jamming it in the tank, you fill up, then fill up your gas cans as well. Never hurts to be prepared. This done, you prepare to leave, but you remember that you need more food, so you pack the car, and advance towards the locked store. The doors are glass, you are happy to see, and you swing your tire iron at it a couple times, managing to break the glass up enough. You clear it with a stomp of your booted foot into the cracked glass and duck through. You curse, realising you don’t have a flashlight, but unwilling to leave, you search for where the lighters are normally kept near the counter. Locating the box full of them, you take one, and click it open. Immediately a flame casts a buttery glow onto the counter. The place is full of perishables, but there should be something around somewhere.

You make your way along the store, ignoring moldy bread, sour milk and bad buns. You find the door to the back of the store. Tugging on it, you find it seems to be a little rusty around the lock. You yank with all your might and it flies open. Something lunges at you from behind the door and you jerk backwards with a petrified yelp. A body, dank and smelly with decomposition slides off you and onto the floor and you scramble backwards with disgust and terror. Your heart just can’t take much more of this. It’s too much, first the close shave with the herd, and now this cardiac arrest. You bury your face in your hands, stifling a cry. All you want to do right now is sit and sob it all out, but you can’t. You’ve got to get up and soldier on, but dear god it’s so hard. You’re just suddenly so fatigued, all you want to do is sleep for a thousand years. Tears spill from your eyes onto your cheeks and you bite your hand hard, as sobs rack through your body. You wonder how it must look from the outside: a fully grown woman hunched next to a rotting corpse, shaking with repressed tears. You despise this weakness, but you can’t keep it in anymore. You need the release more than anyone.

It’s only been a minute, but you wipe your face with your sleeve, and make your way into the storeroom. Half an hour later, the sun is rising, everyone’s awake and stretching, and you’ve loaded boxes of canned soup, fruits, vegetables and beans into the trunk of the SUV which is completely full. You’re ready to make the trip up to the winter cabin. The snow is still falling steadily, and it’s much too cold for the clothes you’re all currently wearing.

“We should go search the houses for winter wear.” You tell Levi. “We can bathe, change and get going.”

He nods, then narrows his eyes. “You’ve been crying.”

You roll your eyes. “No, I’ve been driving all night. Now hop to it, we’ve not got much time.”

You decide to leave the SUV at the gas station, and walk to the nearest house to start the hunt. Herds don’t come out here much, especially since no one lives her anymore, so it should be fairly safe. You still reiterate the rules to Petra just in case.

“Always check all the rooms before looking for stuff. You should be careful particularly in closed places where there’s nowhere to run.” You preach.

Levi snorts. “Tch, brat, you’re one to talk. She left her gun lying around when she was filling up the fuel tank of her damn car.”

You grumble, and Petra laughs, her hand on Levi’s upper arm. That only pisses you off even more, so you do something you would never normally suggest. “Let’s split up.” You want to get those two out of your sight since they seem to be getting along _so_ well. “Petra, Levi, you two take Mikasa and I’ll take Eren.” Mikasa shakes her head and wraps her fingers in Eren’s.

“Don’t wanna.” She says, softly but clearly. It’s the first time you’ve heard her voice, and you try not to let your mouth hang open.

“Um, alright then, you can both go with Levi and Petra.”

Eren has something to say about this. “Wanna go with you, f/n!” He whines, trying to shake Mikasa off, who is clinging to him like a little limpet.

“That’s fine.” Petra says quickly, her gaze darting to Levi, whose eyes are trained on you.

“Are you sure?” He asks.

You nod. “I’ll be fine.” You tell him nonchalantly. You pull out your trusty Colt, and walk towards the nearest house, Eren’s hand in yours and Mikasa’s hand in Eren’s. Levi takes the hunting rifle. He’s better with one anyway.

“Don’t wander off now, guys.” You warn, and they nod like bobble-heads. Snickering at the mental picture, you cautiously kick the first door open, waiting a few moments before you go in. As per routine, you check all the rooms, before declaring it safe. Going up to the bedroom to the left of the landing, you open the wardrobe. It’s full of girl’s clothes, but they’re way too old for Mikasa, and too young for you. At the back of it, you spot a dark blue sweater that is a little short for you, but might fit Petra, so you stuff it in a duffel bag you got from the supply closet below the stairs. You start picking and sorting through clothes, trying to things that will fit all of you. You manage to get some clothes for Mikasa and Eren and some for Petra as well. The only menswear that’s in this house is much too big for Levi, so you guess he’ll just have to find his own. Not finding anything more in this house, you check one more house, gathering a few more clothes for Eren, before making your way back to the SUV to wait for the rest. Eren loops a long, red knitted scarf around Mikasa’s neck, and you help them get into warmer clothes, before pulling a reindeer sweater over your own head. You even managed to get parkas, even though Eren’s and Mikasa’s are too big for them. They’ll survive though.

“Everything okay?” Petra’s cheeks are red with the cold, but she’s dressed warmer, and she seems to be fine. Levi’s hand is curled around her elbow, and she’s leaning some of her weight on him. You dislike this immensely, but force your gaze to remain neutral.

“Yep.” You answer. “We should start heading up to the cabin. It’s getting colder, and I don’t want to be stuck out here when the storms start raging.” The clouds are dark and heavy to the south, and the sun is completely obscured. Mountains loom in the distance, and you’re getting antsy already just standing around. You can smell the crispness of winter, steady in the accelerating gales.

“I’ll drive.” Levi offers, and this time you take shotgun, pulling the map out, ready to give directions. It won’t be very necessary though, seeing as its pretty much a straight road up with few turns.

Petra seems more fatigued than is necessarily usual, and falls asleep as soon as you start moving. You pass the kids chocolate to snack on in the meantime. You don’t feel great about it, but there’s no time to stop and put something proper together. Even if you did stop, there’s no way you can get a fire going in this weather. There’s a different set of gear necessary for camping in the winter, and it’s gear you don’t have. Your father was never a fan of winter camping; he said it was too dangerous and one should never underestimate winter in the Great Plains.

Eren falls asleep pretty soon. You think he’s like you: lulled to sleep by the hum of an engine. Mikasa simply sits staring out the window. You wonder if Levi was like her as a kid. They have the same pokerface, and it’s so similar it’s kind of creepy. Levi himself stares moodily out the windscreen. He’s set the wipers on medium, and snow keeps getting crusted up on the sides of the glass. You’re not about to start a conversation, so you reach for what has become a journal of sorts and go back to writing.

_Another quiet day spent in the car. We’ve finally got together our winter wear and some supplies to make up for what we lost (and then some) and it looks like this winter is going to be…well, as comfortable as it could possibly get out here. The snow is still comparatively light, but I’m a little worried about wood for the fire. There’s a turbine that Dad managed to hook up that provides electricity, but what if it’s not working, or worse still, gets cut off? We’ll need wood for the fireplace in the main lounge anyway._

_I nearly lost it today. I genuinely thought that was the end for me, right there, when that awful, slimy body fell on me. I thought it was a snapper, and it was going to bite me, and I’d die right there and then. Which is a silly notion. If I did get bit, I’d last for at least a few days before turning. At that moment though, I didn’t see my life flashing before my eyes. Just a blankness and the phrase ‘This is how it ends.’ popping into my mind. God, I really am a writer, aren’t I? My thoughts make everything that much more dramatic. When I realised it was just a dead man, the relief that flooded my stomach was sickening. It wasn’t just relief, it was the awful realisation that I could have died, but I didn’t. I’m not sure how to explain it. In that split second, I just didn’t understand what I was doing and why I was doing it. It seemed like such a futile attempt to prolong humanity’s existence until the bitter end._

_What’s going to happen after this? So what if winter’s coming? How many seasons will pass until the end of this virus? Even if all the infected are killed, the Titan virus will continue to live, being passed from dead bodies into the bloodstream of careless people. Carelessness is bound to happen; negligence will result in sure tragedy. How long will we trudge onwards until we’re cornered with the inevitable? Extinction is a surety. I know it is. I’m not even sure why I’m still alive anymore. Perhaps it’s simply because I’m too weak to die._

You look up at Levi’s porcelain features. He seems so pure and so fragile, but you know that it belies his true self. He’s strong, obstinate, graceful, intelligent and skilfull. You bite the inside of your cheek, and continue writing.

_No, it isn’t that. I think it’s because I’m still holding on to the hope of humanity’s survival. I still believe, deep down, maybe even subconsciously, that there’s a chance for us, and it’s worth fighting for. I admire Levi, for his strength. I’m sure he must be having his own doubts, but he says nothing. He never falters, eyes always looking ahead, focused on the journey at hand. He’s my rock. He keeps me grounded. He reminds me of what we’re even fighting for, when I’m losing sight of my horizon. Concentrated on the ocean of tar in front of him, he spares not a glance for what lies behind. His eyes are trained on the open road, front and centre. I think I love him for it._

You stare at the last sentence until it becomes a blur of ink. Rubbing at your eyes, you glance at Levi for a moment before continuing. Part of you wants to scratch it out, but you resist.

_He isn’t the only thing that reminds me of a possibility of a future. There’s Eren and Mikasa, young children not fit for a world such as this one. They’re the only survivors from an orphanage. God only knows what they’ve seen and yet they’re still so hopeful. I’m not sure that the journey that we’re making and the years that are to come will leave them so untarnished. I wish I could keep them both from the reality of it, and I believe that’s what all parents wish, at the beginning. It’s the awful fact of life that you can never quite protect them as much as you’d like to. How am I going to explain death to them? How am I going to explain snappers, and killing? How will I explain what this wretched earth has come to? I can’t answer those questions, despite them being questions I have asked myself numerous times._

_Petra herself is young, fresh, a flower in the desert. I think she’s the kind of person who’s sweet and kind, but also extraordinarily resilient. She’s exhausted, dark rings under her eyes, and obviously still suffering from the pain in her leg, but yet she keeps her smile on. I’m surprised at how well-behaved the kids are, but the truth might be that they’re just much too tired for mischief. Somehow I think even if Eren wanted to make trouble, Mikasa would keep him in check. She’s precocious for her time, that one. She barely speaks, but as the saying goes, still waters run deep. While that’s reassuring, it also worries me. I’m not sure what she’s thinking, and I fear this entire ordeal may have affected her more than it has Eren or the adults._

You put away your writing things, suddenly very sleepy. It’s been a long day full of mishaps and work, and you feel disgusting and fatigued. By your estimates, you should reach the cabin before dusk falls, and there you can have a hot shower, blast the solar heater, and conk out on the couch. Your stomach loudly reminds you that you haven’t eaten yet, so perhaps you might do that too. You turn, making sure your other passengers are alright. Eren is gazing out the window, seemingly fascinated by the snow, and Mikasa and Petra are still deep in slumber.

Eren leans forward. “F/n, can I sit in front with you? I wanna see the snow!”

You put a finger to your lips. “Alright, but you gotta be quiet okay? Mikasa and Petra are still sleeping.” You lift him bodily from the back, and seat him on your lap. He squirms until he is comfortable, then sits silently, eyes glued to the windscreen.

“Will we be able to play in the snow?” He whispers.

“Sure, once we get to the cabin. I’ll teach you how to build a snowman.”

“We weren’t allowed to play in the snow.” Eren says. “Mrs Barth-ol-o-moo said we’d get wet and cold.”

“Well, Mrs Bartholomew isn’t here, so play all you want.” You card your fingers through his raven hair. He’ll need a haircut soon.

Eren giggles. “We called her Batty when she couldn’t hear us.”

You laugh along with him. “Is that so?”

“Uh huh!” Eren leans back against you, his tiny body warm in your arms. It’s only a matter of time before he’s cuddled up against you, fast asleep. You lean back in your seat, stroking his hair, as he breathed steadily. Before the world went to shit, you were 26 years old, and your friends were getting married. It was only a matter of time before Caleb proposed to Beatrice, and then you’d have little nieces and nephews running around. You yourself, never really thought about it. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to, it was just that with your current lifestyle of sitting at home, watching TV and re-reading your old comic books, you didn’t see it happening. It wasn’t all that necessary either. Your life was easy-going, placid and about as devoid of excitement as a knitting competition.

You liked it though, it was comfortable and familiar. You’d just broken up with your boyfriend since college after all, and you needed to just stay home and write. You needed to withdraw and do all the things you love in order to recover. You didn’t like clubbing much, and you could drink at home for half the price so you didn’t see the need to go out to drink and stuff. Besides, Caleb didn’t drink outside either, so you both had your meet-ups at either one of your homes. They got rarer and rarer though, as Caleb, the hot-shot lawyer, started rising up and devoting his time equally to work and Beatrice. You suppose, looking back on it now, he only neglected you because you were like his little sister. To him, you’d always be there, whether or not he acknowledged it. Perhaps it was an indication of how close you two were that you took each other for granted. That always does happen with family.

A pang of regret shoots through your gut, and you sigh. Levi looks over at you.

“Are you alright, f/n?” His voice is warm, inviting, and concerned. You respond like you always do.

“I’m fine.” You look back to the side window.

You jerk when a soft hand covers yours and squeezes. You gaze wide-eyed at Levi, but he’s back to looking straight through the windscreen, so you flip your hand over and lace your fingers through his. It brings a smile to both your faces, and you blush, letting your chin drop onto Eren’s dark head.

_I think I love him for it._


	6. Together At Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cabin is everything you remembered, and more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PREPARE YOURSELF THE FLUFF IS COMING

You both stopped holding hands once everyone woke up but you can’t help shooting glances over at Levi every so often. You’re giddy with anticipation, but somehow also anxious. You’re still not sure what this means, and if this changes anything, but you sincerely hope it does. You’re almost there, almost back to your beloved cabin, and you can’t wait to see it. For the first time ever since this whole shitstorm began, you’re feeling hopeful and excited. By your understanding, winter should mean the end of the zombies. You can’t be too sure about this, but once winter is over, things should be a lot easier to manage. Either way, you think that the winter cabin might be able to become a home for the five of you-who have been thrown together by fate in this mess, and have become a sort of rag tag family. With two young children, being out on the road isn’t feasible, and you suddenly don’t want to keep moving anymore. The wanderlust is fading, and you’re starting to experience a yearning of a different sort. All you can think about is how you’ll garden, and cook, and teach Eren and Mikasa English and Science, and maybe you’ll leave the Math up to Levi. You’ll cultivate your own herbs and make up your own recipes. Maybe you’ll even plant some corn and cabbages and tomatoes, and have some flowerbeds as well, of course. You’ll have to maintain the solar panels, and the wind turbines, but it’s fun and challenging work.

You suddenly see an actual life in your future, and that’s amazing. You contemplate the idea of searching for people once winter is over. Are there even any people out there? Are they all dead, or are there some, like you, who are waiting for winter to tide over? You sigh and delve into the leftover candy that Eren and Mikasa could no longer gorge themselves on. The two were now more than a little hyperactive, and Mikasa was squirming slightly in her seat while worrying at her scarf. Eren was bouncing around in Petra’s lap talking non-stop.

“Do you think we’re gonna get snowed in Petra?”

“No, I don’t think so Eren. Even if we do, we’ll be safe. Right, f/n?”

“Sure thing.” You smile confidently at her. “There’s electricity, food, water. Nothing’ll run out and we’ll be fine. It’s likely that the snow will be thick this year though.”

“I’ve never been snowed in before.” Eren says, with no small amount of awe.

“It’s common where we’re going.” You explain. “The altitude is higher, so there’s more snow.”

“What’s altitude?” He pronounces the word with some difficulty.

“It’s how high up we are. If the altitude is higher, it means we’re nearer to the sky. Places higher up are colder.” You explain as simply as you can, pleased to find Mikasa seems to be listening as well.

“Why?” She interjects quietly.

“The closer we are to the sky, the colder it gets. Space is cold, and the core of the earth is hot, because it’s molten lava, so the further away from the core we get, the colder it is.” You try to explain atmospheric science, but the two bombard you with question after question and before you know it, you’re conducting an impromptu science class, drawing out figures on pieces of paper.

“F/n.” Levi’s voice startles you after hours of not hearing it. “We’re here.”

You face the front, nostalgia hitting you like a ton of bricks as the simple cabin comes into view. It’s comfortably large with three small bedrooms, a living room, a kitchen and a bathroom, made mostly of wood and stone. You stumble out of the SUV, your butt feeling sort of numb, and run to the trunk. You fish the key out of your backpack and hurriedly unlock the door. Petra ushers the children inside and you close the door behind them, walking over to where Levi is unpacking the SUV.

“So this is the cabin.” He surveys it with a critical eye.

“I love it.” You say, rather defensively.

“It’s a lovely place.” His mouth rises ever so slightly at the corner, and you realise he was just poking at you to get a reaction. Another quirk you weren’t used to.

“Dad and I used to come down in the winter.” You shrug. “I’ve got a lot of memories here. Not all of them good ones…” You sigh. You brought your old boyfriend up here once before, and had spent the weekend in bed. Ironically, you didn’t get much sleep. You’d really thought that that relationship would last, but alas. Not like that mattered all that much anymore. You stuff your hands into your pockets.

Levi passes you a box. “You’re lucky to have had a father like that. I don’t think I’ve ever been close to either of my parents.” You set it down on the ground, silently, content simply to listen.

He continues. “They were always busy with work, and they put a lot of pressure on my brother and I to excel. My brother, Erwin, he never wanted to follow in my parents’ footsteps and he ran away to set up his own business. He refused to go along with what my parents wanted. We never spoke after that.”

“I’m sorry.” You murmur, daringly placing a cautious hand on his shoulder. He’s warm and liquid to the touch, and it makes you want to touch more, but you hold back. You’re still not sure what this is, and what you mean to him, and you haven’t taken risks like this since you were a teenager. In time you learnt wearing your heart on your sleeve only resulted in pain. Pulling your hand away, you pick up the boxes to carry them into the house. “But now, you have a family. May not be much, but you got us nonetheless.” Smiling at him, you turn and trudge through the snow and into the house.

By the end of the day, the kids have had their showers and the boxes have been unpacked. There’s more than enough food to last through winter. Eren, Mikasa and Petra are seated in a circle on the living room floor drying off in front of the fire (there was a woodpile next to the shed though you’ll have to use it wisely) while playing Monopoly. Levi is in the kitchen taking stock, so you decide to go bathe first. Shedding your soiled clothes, you keep your clean set on the rack and step into the shower. The moment the hot water hits your sore, filthy body, you let out a pornographic groan. It’s been ages since you could shower like this, and _goddamn_ it feels good. Mindful to not waste water, you soap up and scrub at your skin with your nails until your get yourself and your hair squeaky clean. Having changed into your clean clothes, and ecstatic at just the feeling of being clean, you go straight to the kitchen to inform Levi of the unoccupied shower.

“Levi, let me make dinner, you go take your shower now mister.” You say with teasing sternness.

Levi runs a hand through his black hair and nods. “We’ve got a lot of food. And there’s medicines in the hall closet. Is Petra still taking her infection meds?”

“Yeah, I’ve made sure she’s alright. Looks like she’s getting better. And I gave the kids some chewable vitamin tablets I found.”

“We’ve got some flu medicines as well, in case they get sick. We need to start feeding them vegetables and fruits.”

You frown. “It’s all going to be canned for a while. Once winter blows over, I’ll start a garden.”

“Good.” Levi scratches the back of his neck. There’s some stubble growing on his chin, which is weird because he couldn’t have shaved for days, and yet his face is still relatively clean. “I’ll go take a shower now.”

“There should be some razors in the bathroom cabinet.” You call after him. “And there’s shaving cream on the top shelf.”

He whirls around abruptly and looks you up and down. “Wait up for me.” He says in this low, gruff voice that sends delicious shivers up your spine. Dear god, you think as you watch him strut out of the kitchen, you can’t handle this short, sexy god.

Still in near-shock, you put together a meal as best you can. While you’re dishing canned beans onto plates, humming, two strong arms wrap around your stomach. You jerk in astonishment as Levi noses at your ear. Slender fingers playfully skitter over your skin, making you break out in goosebumps.

“You scared the shit out of me!” You accuse, breathless.

“Sorry.” You feel his smirk against your neck.

“Liar.” You gasp as he lets you turn to face him in the circle of his arms. “What’re you doing?”

“I can’t hold back any longer.” His face is completely emotionless except for the storms in his eyes. They search your face hungrily, and you wonder if he sees the longing in your eyes and the way your fists clench, wanting to touch him.

“F/n?” Petra’s voice alerts you both to her presence and you duck out of Levi’s arms moments before she walks in.

“What’s up Petra?” Your voice sounds too high and throaty, and your cheeks and neck feel hot.

Levi’s as stone-faced as ever, and you pass him a plate. He takes it, gives you a hard look, and stalks out. You sigh, and turn to Petra.

“I came to see if you needed help?” Her eyes are curious but she doesn’t say anything else.

“Nah, I’m good.” You answer. “Can you help me take the plates out to the dining table?”

She raises an eyebrow. “Sure.” She takes two and you follow her with the other two, your mind buzzing. Seated around the table, you’re thankful for the persistent chatter provided by Petra and the children. Even Mikasa smiles and contributes to the conversation and it warms your heart to no end. Eren pushes his vegetables around disgustedly.

“Eren, eat your veggies.” You remind him, glad to see Mikasa has cleared her plate.

He sulks. “I don’t wanna.”

“If you do, you can have chocolate after dinner.” You entice.

He smiles sweetly, his eyes going gooey and puppy-ish. “Can I just have the chocolate?”

“Nope.” The frown comes back, and you fight the urge to laugh.

“Listen to f/n, Eren and eat your vegetables.” Levi stares Eren down. “Or you don’t get that chocolate.”

Petra hides a smile behind her hand, and you snicker into your palm as Eren grumpily puts a fork of French beans into his mouth, grimacing spectacularly. Once they’re done, you collect the plates and carry them inside to put them into the sink. You can’t comprehend this fuzzy warmth that settles in your brain every time you look at Levi interacting with Eren and Mikasa. Leaving the plates and leaning against the doorway of the living room, you watch as he teaches them to play Uno. A rare laugh escapes him as Eren gets the cards wrong, and even Mikasa laughs a little. They seem to be getting along well together.

“Hey, f/n?”

“Yeah Petra?” You turn to her. She’s doing the dishes, her hair tied back in a small ponytail.

“Is something going on between you and Levi?”

The question is not entirely unexpected but it still sends heat rushing to your cheeks. “Uh…”

“I have to admit.” She blushes and gives you a small smile. “I have kind of a crush on him.”

“Uhm.” You bite your lip, caught off guard.

“He seems to like you though.” Petra says, a little sadly.

Your mind is literally blank, and you can’t find a single thing to say.

“He doesn’t seem like the type to like someone easily, so go easy on him okay?” She finishes, drying the dishes with a cloth.

“Oh…uh…” You cast around wildly for some way to reply to this but come up empty. “Uh.”

“I’m sorry if that was too personal.” Her brow wrinkles in concern.

“No, no. It’s uh, it’s not, it’s just…I’m a little shocked.” You explain, with an embarrassed laugh. Petra shrugs.

“You’ve been with him for weeks, right? If you like him, you should just go for it.” She gives me a cheeky grin. “Or I will.”

You don’t really believe her, you can tell she’s just joking, but you know it must hurt a little to give up her crush like that. “I’m sorry Petra.” You say.

“Don’t be. I’m not the one who’s in love with him.”

Your mouth drops open, and she giggles. “C’mon, f/n, anyone can tell.”

You rub at your face as Petra leaves. You hear her bell-like laughter at something Levi said, and it arouses that bitter, possessive emotion in you again. You’re almost unwilling to call it out for what it is: jealousy. There it is. Sighing, you go straight to your room, sitting at your desk.

_There is something very wrong with me. I’ve always thought of myself as honest, but here I am unable to tell the truth to even my own self. Perhaps, on a subconscious level, I was reluctant to admit it. Even with my desire for him, and the way I can’t stop looking at him. I like the way he smiles, and I like the way he talks. I like that he doesn’t say something unless it’s necessary, but with me, he can talk comfortably. I like that he only tells me the things in his past that he doesn’t reveal to anyone else. I like the way he behaves with Eren and Mikasa, and how much he looks like a father. I like the way he cooks, like it’s a science and everything has to be precise, and I like the way when he cooks, his eyebrows furrow and his eyes become narrow._

_I like him the way he is, even as a stoic, emotionless son of a bitch, and I wouldn’t change a thing. Because I think I can finally just come out and say it. I love him, more than I’ve ever loved before, and it’s terrifying. In this world plagued with death and disease, it’s like a misty dream. It feels as though it might slip out of my grasp any second. I’ve lost my family, my friends and all the things I’ve held dear, and here is another chance. A chance to start over and to build a family. A chance to maybe try and make life beautiful again._

_I think I can do it with him. It’s time to stop living my life on paper._

You leave the papers on the desk, put down your pen, and walk out the door. The three of them are still playing Uno, and Eren looks like he’s got the hang of it. Petra’s asleep on the couch, wrapped in a duvet like a caterpillar, the fire popping and hissing as it dies out. Sitting down next to Mikasa, you put an arm around her, and she yawns and snuggles into your warmth. You ruffle Eren’s hair, and pick Mikasa up.

“Bedtime kiddies.” Mikasa rests her head on your shoulder and you carry her into the master bedroom. Eren tries to hide his tiredness, complaining loudly as Levi throws him over his shoulder. You tuck them in, and cover them up with the bedsheets. “There, snug as a bug in a rug.”

“Snug as a bug in a rug.” Eren repeats sleepily.

“Goodnight sweetheart.” You murmur, as you drop a kiss onto his forehead. Sweeping Mikasa’s long hair out of her face you kiss the top of her head, and look down at them fondly.

“They look so angelic when they’re sleeping.” You remark to Levi.

He snorts. “Only when they’re sleeping.”

“Admit it, you love them.”

He doesn’t say a word, but you look at his eyes, and you see your answer there.

You wrap your arms around him, taking him a bit by surprise, but he recovers quickly, and pulls you in even closer. “My bed’s big enough for the both of us,” you whisper.

His body vibrates with repressed mirth. Embarrassed, you hide your face in his shoulder, but he leans back. “Every night?”

“Every night.” You confirm, and he tips your head back. The moment his lips meet yours feels like a revelation. You can’t remember why you were ever worried. It’s like everything was just in preparation for this moment. Your heart sings, and your head whirls. Pressing closer, you try to get as much of him as you can. Moments later, he pulls away from the kiss.

“We’ll wake them up.” He whispers.

“Right.” You follow him out the door, shutting it noiselessly behind you. He takes your hand and you walk slowly to your room. There is no hurry, not tonight, and not ever.

Exhausted, you climb into bed with him, rejoicing in the way his arms fit around you and the way your head fits just right into the crook of his neck. Sharing one last kiss, you drift into slumber, floating away on a calm, peaceful sleep, with only Levi’s solid body anchoring you.


	7. Cotton Candy Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SMUT and also fluff but pfft

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to change the rating to accommodate for this accidental chapter. If you don't like smut, just skip this one, there's very little story in here.

Your feet are starting to feel like icicles. Grunting, you shift them underneath the duvet, and blindly feel around for where Levi should be. Your knee accidentally comes into contact with a midriff, drawing a groan from the bed’s other occupant.

“Sorry, sorry.” You mumble apologetically, and open your eyes properly. He’s lying on his back, an arm carelessly thrown over his eyes, his hair a dark mess on the pillow. You lie down on your stomach, slinging an arm over his chest and nuzzle your face into his neck. He still smells good, like the lilac soap in the bathroom and lemon mint shaving cream. Feeling safe and warm, sleep begins to cover you like a cloud.

“F/N, LEVI WAKE UP!” Something small jumps onto the bed, effectively chasing away any last tendrils of sleep that you were trying to hold onto.

“Wha-Eren?” You lift yourself from the bed on both hands, disgruntled.

“Sorry guys, I couldn’t stop them.” Petra’s voice comes from the doorway.

Mikasa is sitting on Levi’s stomach, and they’re having some sort of staring contest, while Eren bounces around on the bed. You chuckle and lean over to kiss his cheek. “Morning.”

He runs his hand through Mikasa’s hair and smiles. “You need a haircut, brat.”

Eren jumps into your arms. “F/n, you said we could go play in the snow!” He whines.

“We’ll go play after breakfast.” You tell him, firmly. You plant him on the floor and reach out a hand to Mikasa. She takes it, and you lead both of them to the bathroom. “Brush your teeth, and then we can go get breakfast okay?”

The morning routine is accomplished speedily, what with the anticipation of both kids and adults alike to get outside into the snow. After wolfing down breakfast, it’s only a matter of suiting up in parkas and winter gear before all five of you trek out into the snow.

“You know what would really make this perfect?” You comment.

Petra and the children are trying to make snow angels, and you and Levi are seated on the porch hand in hand.

“What?” Levi watches Eren and Mikasa like a hawk, surveying the area around them constantly. It warms your heart how quickly he’s taken to them, and how protective he is.

“Hot cocoa and marshmallows.”

He gives you a rare grin. His porcelain cheeks are tinged with red because of the cold, and his raven hair is damp and specked with white flakes of snow. You can’t resist leaning over to press a kiss to his mouth.

“Your lips are cold.” You tell him.

He brushes hair out of your face. “Better warm them up.”

He presses soft, darting kisses on your welcoming lips, barely licking into your mouth but sending heat rushing to your ears and cheeks. He tastes like toothpaste, you note. You feel dizzy again, like blood is rushing from your head all the way down to your extremities. You open yourself to him, letting his tongue explore you. You both break apart at the puking sounds Eren makes, to the amusement of Petra and Mikasa. Blushing, you pack snow into a ball and smash it down on Levi’s head.

For a long moment, there is silence. Levi is the one to break it. “Tch.” He says, and grabs hold of you, wrestling you into the snow. You laugh and squirm, trying to wriggle out of his hold, only succeeding after a ton of snow gets into your parka. That starts a snowball fight, you and Petra against Levi, Eren and Mikasa.

You all only trudge back into the house when you’re drenched and tired. Shedding your damp coat, you head to the kitchen in a contented exhaustion to fulfil your promise of hot cocoa. You realize now the distinct lack of marshmallows, but give silent but hearty thanks to good ol’ Dad for keeping a substantial amount of instant cocoa powder and condensed milk in the pantry.

It took you at least five times longer to make the cocoa than it took the kids to finish it. They collapse, full and comatose, on the hearth. The solar panels do their job, providing heating fairly well throughout the small cabin. You wonder briefly, if it would even be necessary to make trips out into the wasteland outside once you had your own garden started. It was likely that the infected would freeze to death in the winter months, and the remnants of humanity could begin again. You sigh, brushing the thoughts out of your mind. These are idyllic days still, and you would like very much to be given the chance to appreciate them.

You stretch out on the couch with Petra and Levi. Petra’s leg still worries you. It hasn’t been stitched up, but it is healing fairly well. She’s young and you make sure she eats well, and keeps the wound clean, dousing it with antiseptic whenever the dressing is changed, so you doubt it’ll be an issue. She seems still very much taken with Levi, but you’re starting to suspect it is closer to that of hero worship than an actual crush.

Getting up to stretch, you turn to Levi. “Want to take a walk?”

“In this weather?” He crosses his arms over his chest, obviously opposed, but you’re almost desperate for some time alone with him, and you pout at him, holding your hand out in invitation.

Petra pipes up. “You two go on, I can watch the kids. I don’t think they’re up to doing much right now though.”

Levi grumbles vaguely, but rises to follow me out the door. You lock it behind you, slipping the keys into your pocket. It’s freezing and you instantly regret not taking my gloves, but Levi takes your hand and stuffs it into his pocket, the combined heat of your palms more than enough to keep your fingers warm.

“I’m sorry,” You smile shyly. “I just wanted some time alone.”

He scoffs. “You were always going on about finding other survivors and now you want to be alone?”

“Shut up.” You shove him slightly, but his boots, slick with ice, catch and he tumbles to the ground with a surprised grunt. You would have laughed but your connected hands ensured you went right down with him, landing hard, sprawled across his chest.

He wheezes at the sudden weight, and you start to laugh so hard your sides ache. You’re practically wheezing with amusement, shaking in mirth over his prostrate body. It only takes one glance at his stony face to know he is not impressed, but his eyes gleam with a new and strange light. His movement is so fast, you don’t even see it coming. You’re flipped onto your back on a sea of powdered white, and Levi looms over you, his lips taking on a teasing smile. Your gaze is riveted to his face, crinkled grey eyes, sharp nose and chin, a flash of tongue passing over lightly chapped pink lips.

You gulp – the familiar sensation of arousal creeping like ivy into your brain, which appears to have stopped functioning entirely.

His breaths have heightened in intensity and frequency, and he lowers his face to yours, nose skimming your cheek. Your heart flutters, and you stop breathing, eyes reflexively shutting, your whole body tensing in acute anticipation. You hear birds calling, sounding so far away, and even the wind has slowed to only a crisp breeze. His lips finally, oh finally, find yours and it is soft and gentle but passionate, communicating a desire so raw, it leaves you wanting.

Your name pours from his mouth into yours, his tongue and lips a chorus of praise to you. It would’ve been easy to forget the bitter cold surrounding you, what with the way your body heats up wherever Levi touches you – and his roaming hands set fires on every inch of your skin – but your ass is starting to feel numb. Reluctant to relinquish the feel of your lips moving against his, you nudge at his shoulder for him to move away. He looks at you questioningly, cravat hanging at an angle, raven hair in charming disarray, kiss swollen lips slightly parted. You suck in a breath at the sight of him, something you doubt you’ll ever get used to.

“Not here.” Your voice sounds harsh with the lust and when he answers, you realise he’s the same way.

“Inside.” Levi commands, sending a thrill through you.

How you hurry inside without slipping and get through the door without waking the sleeping children and a snoring Petra, you do not know, but within minutes you’re locking the bedroom door behind you and facing Levi. His smirk is taunting as he tosses his coat aside, and you do the same, never taking your eyes off him. They’re working overtime, struggling to follow every one of his movements, to imprint him into your memory.

His cravat is next, falling to the floor, and he walks towards you, nimble fingers undoing buttons on his shirt. You have to remind yourself to breathe when you catch the sigh of defined collarbones, and muscular shoulders, tapering down to lean, strong arms. You’re still clad in a thick sweater and jeans, and all of a sudden, they feel much too tight for you.

Levi brushes his lips against your hair, then your forehead, trailing down the side of your face to your jaw. You lift your hands, letting them slide from the hardened planes of his upper back, to his neck, and then to his chest. You experimentally brush fingers over his nipples and Levi jerks – a startled groan escaping him.

“Ha!” You cry, in shocked amusement.

He glares at you. “Do not do that again f/n.”

You smile innocently. “Do what?”

He narrows his eyes, but you know him well enough to brush off his intimidation tactics.

“You mean,” You begin, raising an index finger to circle the peaked nub. “This?” You give it a soft tweak and he tries his best to stifle it, but you can hear his growl. His eyes flash subtly, and excitement bubbles over, coursing you through you as if a floodgate had been opened. He throws you over his shoulder and drops you on the bed. Scrambling back, you gaze up at his lidded eyes, deliciously terrified at the realisation that you’ve really done it, and now he will absolutely _ravage_ you.

He lowers himself, glad only in black pants that would ordinarily be slightly too big for him, but now you notice that he’s filled them out quite spectacularly.

You reach out to touch him, but he grabs your hand and pulls it to his lips, kissing the inside of your wrist. You feel heat pooling inside you as he presses a series of soft kisses down your arm. Levi seems intent on drawing the whole affair out, focusing the entirety of his attention simply on destroying you with his tongue and mouth. His eyes are fixed to you, constantly moving over your person, lying under him.

(You will never know that at this moment, he is sure that you are the most radiantly beautiful thing he has ever seen, laid out before him.)

Impatience getting the better of you, you tear off your sweater and undershirt. Chuckling slightly, he assists in unhooking your bra. You shuck off your jeans as well, but elect to leave your panties on, feeling too vulnerable under his electric gaze. His eyes, normally grey, are dark and clouded, taking you in. There have always been parts of you you didn’t like, but under that gaze, a maelstrom of need, passion and love, they cease to matter.

His lips find yours in a heated, sloppy mess, but it turns you on even more now as his fingers knead and thumb over your flushed breasts. The stimulation has turned you into a mass of quivering nerves, moaning and gasping at every new sensation. He turns his focus now to the secret place nestled between your thighs. Slender fingers loop through the thin fabric and pull them down, tossing them to the side. Without a thought Levi jerks you forward and buries his tongue into you.

You throw your head back. It’s been so long, and he’s teased you so much, you orgasm almost instantly, but he stops only to shuck off his pants, one hand curved around his erection and the other easily sliding a finger into your wet heat. It is at this point that you decide to be proactive. Pushing him away, you throw a leg over him and turn your back to him, hovering over his stomach.

“F/n…” Levi’s fingers dig slightly into the soft flesh of your hips as you take his length in your mouth, your tongue slipping and sliding over the sensitive skin. Levi responds in kind, his fingers exploring you, stretching you out and preparing you for what is soon to come.

When he finally slides into you, the onslaught of tingling nerves is more than you had ever imagined. And when he moves, you become unhinged and lost in the waves of pleasure that bring you high and crash over you. Levi’s name is all you can say, over and over again, in breathy gasps and whining moans. Your own name joins his in the shared heat and through the orgasm, his groans keep yours company.

Later, he shampoos your hair with a quiet gentleness you love so much, and you think that if this is all there is to life, you can die the happiest person on the planet.

 


	8. Danger Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past always seems to have a way to come back to you, whether you like it or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've finished this chapter a lot earlier than expected so up it goes. Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated.

“You’ve never told me much about yourself.” You are cradled in Levi’s arms, the soothing stillness of night sending a soft fuzz over your usually buzzing mind. Mikasa, Eren and Petra were asleep in the next room, and the task of parenting you had taken upon yourself was a greater challenge than initially expected, so you were thankful for late nights spent snuggled up to Levi under the duvet.

Levi is silent for a moment. The he begins speaking in his usual nonchalant tone, but you somehow detect a tinge of regret, and something else. Longing, perhaps?

“My parents and I were never close, you know that. But my brother and I were. He was six years older than me, and looked nothing like I did. I guess he looked more like my mother.” Levi sighs. “He ran away to do something or the other, and never contacted me again. I was surprised in truth. I thought he would at least stay in touch.”

“I’m sorry.” You murmur. You’ve told him about your own father – about how close the two of you were. You’d spoken of Caleb and Beatrice. Levi on the other hand, spoke very little about his past. You get the feeling he’d rather not talk about it, but the two of you are…well, more than friends now.

“It doesn’t matter now. Other than that, my life before was uneventful. I helped my father run his company. Went to work every day and thought only of work. Nothing more.”

“Do you miss it?” You ask. “The life before?”

“Some things more than others. But, I think I prefer what I have right now.”

He looks meaningfully down at you, and you meet his eyes, blushing in pleasure. You didn’t doubt what he thought about you. Levi was never stingy with his affection, be it verbal or physical. It was possible that the isolation of this cabin made him more forthcoming, and he’d probably be different in ordinary society. You’d probably be different as well, this you acknowledge. No holds barred here. No inhibitions that accompany the public eye.

“I kind of miss old things. Like coffee shops and walking on the streets without fear. Humdrum lives and people all around me.”

“You’re waxing poetic about things we couldn’t give a fuck about just a few months ago.” He snorts.

“Yes well, I didn’t realise how nice it was till I didn’t have it anymore did I?” You yawn.

“Go to sleep.” He whispers, bending his head so you can kiss him goodnight. You oblige enthusiastically, before hunkering down and closing your eyes. For a minute, only the sounds of steady breathing fill the air.

And then, unmistakeably, a knock rings out – crystal clear in the dead of night.

Immediately you are on high alert, leaping out of bed and putting on a sweater over your track pants. Levi follows in more appropriate clothing, and you both creep out of your room. Another knock sounds, and now you can hear low chatter at the main door. Petra runs out to meet you both in the hall.

“Are the kids still sleeping?” The lock starts to jiggle, and your stomach drops when you realise whoever is outside is trying to force their way in. They must’ve noticed your car outside, you think, a sour taste in your mouth. They must know you’re all here. You didn’t even make an effort to disguise the car or anything, you’d been so stupid!

“They are.” Petra whispered back. “Should we open the door?”

Levi grips your shoulder. “Go to the room and stay with Petra and the kids. I’ll take care of it.” He’s already grabbed the gun off the fireplace mantel. You direct Petra to do as Levi says, but stay put yourself. He glares at you, as the knocks get louder, and a loud male voice yells that they mean you no harm and to please open the door.

“I am not letting you do this alone.” You hiss.

He stares at you irritably, but walks to the door. “Who’s out there? You should know I’m armed. I won’t hesitate to kill all you idiots for trying to break down my fucking door.”

“Look,” A calming voice, slightly muffled by the barrier of solid wood, erupts from behind the door. “Just open the door. You have my word I won’t hurt you. I’m a scientist – I worked with the man who owns this place and-“

“You know my Dad?” You yell.

“F/n?” The fact that this stranger knows your name throws you off even more. “It’s me, Dr. Smith! I worked with your father.”

Your father had mentioned a Dr. Smith. In fact not only had he mentioned him, he’d practically sung his praises. With a surprised laugh, you leaned over, and flung open the door. A tall, handsome blonde man stood in the doorway. Behind him are about five others, stomping around to keep warm. They look up when you answer the door. Dr Smith smiles wide. “You look just like the picture your father used to keep on his desk.”

It is then that Dr Smith turns to Levi, and you register his silence, turning towards him with a questioning glance. There is recognition and shock on both their faces and Dr Smith is the first to break the ice with a soft “Levi?”

“Wait. You two know each other?”

Smith shifts uncomfortably. “Well…”

“We’re brothers.” Levi answers, deadpan as ever.

A billion thoughts crash in your mind all at once, so much so, you refuse to deal with it. Clearing your throat, you beckon to the others standing out there, freezing in the cold. “Please, come in. We can talk inside.”

You instruct Petra, who has ventured out of the room, to start a fire, around which the six newcomers gather. You head to the kitchen to make hot cocoa for all of them. While you’re bustling about, Levi comes in, and leans against the counter sulkily.

“Why aren’t you talking to your brother?” You ask gently.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“C’mon Levi, I’m sure he wants to talk to you too. Don’t be stubborn.” You roll your eyes at that. Asking Levi not to be stubborn is like asking a dog not to bark.

He says nothing in return, and you get the sense the topic is not up for conversation. You sigh, as you pour steaming brown liquid into cups. Sometimes he feels miles away from you. He’s shut himself off, and you won’t get any more out of him tonight, you think.

You enlist his help in handing out cocoa to the men, and they thank you. You’re immensely glad they weren’t raiders, but in hindsight, it would make sense that Erwin would come to check the cabin, seeing as he and your father worked together.

Erwin introduces the team he has brought with him. Some of them are scientists, like Hange and Mike, but the rest are survivors the three picked up while traveling – Krista, Ymir, Jean. Erwin is quite clearly a sort of leader to them. He exudes a quietly commanding air, and in this you find the similarity between him and Levi.

“You’re probably wondering why we’re here, f/n.” Erwin begins. “You see, when the virus broke out, your father told me I’d probably find you here.”

“My father…” You interrupt. “He’s not with you, is he?”

Erwin’s face becomes grim. “I’m sorry f/n. He did not make it.”

“It’s alright.” You force yourself to smile. After all, you’ve been preparing for this for a long time. Levi, sitting next to you, tightens his arm around you.

“You see, f/n, we’ve made the lab our home base. And we’ve been working on a vaccination for the virus.” Erwin explains.

Hange continues. “The virus _Titan_ is amazing! It’s so strong, it can’t be wiped out, even with our strongest antibiotics. Radiotherapy won’t kill it either. Instead, it weakens the immune system, causing the virus to take effect much more quickly.”

Mike cuts in. “All that aside, we found a way to block a certain key genetic code in its regeneration and if we use that as a vaccination, it’ll be effective with just a one-time use.”

You whistle. “And without the human host, the virus will die out on its own!”

“Exactly.” Erwin says, solemnly. “However, our base was raided a few days ago, and we took whatever we could and the documents that we needed. Though, without the equipment, we can’t produce the vaccine.”

“My father’s lab.” You breathe.

“You have a lab in this place?” Levi asks.

“Yes, it’s underground. There’s a hatch that leads to it in the study, under the carpet.” You tell Erwin. “Are you planning on making this your home base?”

“We’d like to, but if it’s an issue, we could simply commute.” Erwin assures you.

“No, no. You can all stay. It’s just, as for food and space…”

“We have extra supplies in our cars.” Jean states.

“And sleeping bags will suit us just fine.” Krista says. She’s got a voice like a bell, you think, and you smile at her.

“I guess that’s settled then.” You clap your hands together. “Fellas, it’s late. Why don’t we all get some sleep, and we can talk in the morning?”

Erwin shoots you a grateful nod, and you spend the next twenty minutes arranging extra blankets for the newcomers. It’s only when they assure you they are comfortable, that you turn out the lights and head to bed yourself. Levi goes to check on the kids while you settle under the covers, and almost instantly, you’re deep in slumber.

You wake up for some reason at dawn. A butter yellow light is cast into the room, and you can see you are alone in the bed. Sitting up, you glance around blearily. Levi is sitting on the floor, staring up through the glass windows and up at the sky. You drag the blanket off the bed and sit next to him, wrapping the blanket around both of your shoulders.

Levi tches as usual but wraps an arm around you to draw you closer. “You okay?” You ask.

“Yes. And you?”

“Fine.” You thread your fingers through his soft hair. “You should talk things out with your brother.”

“There’s really nothing to talk about f/n.”

“There is and you know it.”

“I would appreciate,” he says coldly, “if you would not meddle in my personal affairs.”

The sleepiness drains out of you to be replaced with white-hot wrath. “Excuse me?”

His eyes are just as fiery as yours, and for a moment you stare at each other, waiting for the other to back down. You look away first, angry tears threatening to spill from your eyes. You feel chilled all of a sudden, and he does nothing, simply looks at the sky.

“I can’t believe you would say that.” You say, as calmly as you can manage. “I thought I meant more to you than that.” Throwing the blanket off your shoulders, you rise and head to the bathroom, to brush your teeth so hard your gums bleed and to scrub the tear tracks off your cheeks.

Your guests are still fast asleep all over the living room, and you step carefully over feet and arms, taking care not to disturb them on your way to the kitchen. You sip boiled water, watching the snow drift like confetti to the frozen turf. Your idyllic bubble with Levi has been successfully burst and you wonder why you didn’t see this coming. If it were anything else, you’d be at your desk, scribbling away, but writing seems so unattractive to you at the moment.

“I was surprised to see my brother here.”

You spin around at the deep voice rumbling from behind you. “Oh, good morning Erwin.”

“Good morning, f/n.” Erwin’s smile has a comforting quality to it, and you feel the need to confide in him. You stop yourself though. It didn’t feel like talking about Levi to his estranged brother was really the best way to handle this situation.

“I think your brother was just as surprised to see you.” You chuckle weakly.

“I know he’s angry. He was always a sulker, even as a kid. He never really threw tantrums, he’d sit and stare off into the distance, and he always made sure you knew he was angry.”

You laugh at this. It sounds just like him.

“When I left, to go pursue a science degree, my parents were against it.” Erwin picks up a glass and filled it with hot water. “They wanted me to take over the company for my father, but I didn’t really want to. I was 18 and full of dreams and hopes. So I left. You know, when I told Levi I was leaving, he sulked just like that. I knew, when I told him I’d be back someday, he didn’t believe me.”

“He’s just hurt Erwin. He’ll come around.” You say, halfheartedly.

“F/n, I’m not too sure about that. But I do know I should at least try to make up for it. I mean I knew he was going to be next in line, and I didn’t even consider what he wanted.” Erwin sighs. “But I was a kid too.”

Eren chooses this moment to hurl himself into the kitchen. He gives Erwin a distrustful once-over and throws himself into your waiting arms. You lift him up and set him on the counter. “F/n, there are _people_ out there!” He stage whispers.

“No way!” You chuck his chin. “Eren, this is Dr Smith. He’s a friend of mine. Say hello!”

“Hi Dr Smith.” Eren mumbles.

“Just Erwin is fine.” Erwin raises an eyebrow at you.

“He and Mikasa are from an orphanage where Petra worked.” You explain. Mikasa herself is standing, shy as ever in the doorway. Erwin smiles at her and says hello. You take some time to make breakfast, because you know that soon enough, hungry people are going to be waking up and you certainly don’t want to disappoint.

After the meal, Erwin, Hange and Mike disappear to the lab to do more research. You didn’t want to set foot in that place just yet – you weren’t ready to be faced with all the things that reminded you of the father you had lost. Instead, you help Eren and Mikasa put on their winter wear and watch them play in the snow nearby while you show Jean, Krista and Ymir how to maintain and operate the solar panels and how to use a makeshift condenser to distill snow into clean water.

They pick it up fairly quickly, and their friendly chatter was great to while away the short hours of the winter day. It occurs to you only at lunchtime that you haven’t seen Levi all day. He’s a big boy isn’t he? He can handle himself. But the ‘what ifs’ cause your stomach to turn in unease.

You find Petra and tell her to keep an eye on things while you look for him. Outside the cabin, the world is blindingly white. The snow flurries aren’t helping things, and as you walk, in circles since you can barely navigate in this weather, the snow gets thicker and thicker, and the landscape more unbearable. Fatigued and frustrated you stop and start to look around you.

You can’t see anything other than the skeletons of bare trees and that damned snow everywhere. It’s falling heavier now, and you’re chilled to the bone, your joints refusing to cooperate. With no landmarks to guide you, the terrible understanding that you are hopelessly lost grips your heart with long, sharp talons. “Fuck.” You scream. “Levi!” You call for him, desperation making your voice a throaty screech. “Levi!”

You keep calling his name, and the more you say it, the more foreign it sounds on your tongue.

This is how you die. And nothing is different. You might as well have died that day in the gas station, and nothing would have changed.

“For fucks’ sake!” Relief is all you can feel when you hear his voice. You almost bend with the weight of it upon you, teeth chattering as you try to say his name.

“F/n, what the fuck is wrong with you?” He is clearly angry, no furious. You can’t for the life of you understand why. How long have you been in this whiteness? You feel nothing and everything all at once. Is this death?

“Don’t be fucking melodramatic.” Levi hauls you to your feet and you realise you had said the last bit out loud. “Can you walk?”

“Yes.” You stumble slightly, but your locomotive skills are still present.

“What the hell were you thinking? Do you have a death wish?”

“I was looking for you.” You say.

“I was right behind the goddamn cabin.”

“Oh.” You gaze owlishly at him, and he smacks you lightly.

“Tch. Fucking idiot.”

“Are we okay now?” You ask.

Levi scrubs at his face, then grabs you by your collar and pulls you in for a rough kiss. “Fuck, that felt like kissing ice.”

“Sorry.” You giggle slightly.

“I’m sorry too.” He says, softly this time.

“Can you say that again?” You tease. “I’m not sure I heard you.”

“Don’t push it.”


	9. Big World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You suppose things aren't as 'okay' as you'd thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's hope I can keep updating with regularity, considering my exams are coming up! Enjoy~

That night, Levi is especially passionate. Gone are the delicate, skimming touches and the featherlight kisses. In their place, tormentingly drawn out kisses and hard presses of nails into skin reside. He is indulging himself tonight, you note hazily as his hands – the hands you thought of as gentle and lithe – twist themselves in your hair, pulling with as much forces as the kisses he bestows on the salty skin of your nape. His hips are unrelenting against your own, and you have to bite into the pillow to keep from crying out. The tension within you is building to the explosive climax that you sense is near, and your stomach muscles tighten with the anticipation.

He grips you even tighter now, and his thrusts become more frenzied, with jackhammer precision. Your orgasm bursts within you, taking your already dizzy head to whole new levels of lightheadedness. He does not cease though, and only releases a strangled _mmf_ as your walls contract around him. Oversensitive from the non-stop stimulation, the usually welcomed friction is now at a point of pleasure that is damn near pain. Tears, unbidden, spring from your eyes and you wonder what his expression looks like. He hasn’t seemed to want to look at you. And this doesn’t feel like making love.

It feels dirty. It feels cold. It feels like the most basic form of sex there is – with only desire and base need to fuel it. The warmth leaves your body almost immediately after his release, and though he lies next to you, his embrace feels more like the Arctic. You turn your back to him, raw and sore with the efforts of the past hour, your limbs still aching from the prolonged exposure earlier to the cold.

You thought all had been forgiven, but Levi seemed short tempered and unusually curt with you for the rest of the afternoon. Evening saw him fussing over the children and chatting with Petra, clearly avoiding both you and Erwin. Disgruntled with his attitude, but not knowing what to do about it, you stayed up late talking with Erwin about the work he and your father had been doing together. Erwin said that your dad had been the first to conceptualize a way to break the virus and come up with a vaccination. He had, Erwin smiled, given them the bulk of the information about _Titan_ that they had needed to make his concepts a reality.

You spoke of rebuilding society, of starting from scratch – how that might be a good thing, like Noah and the Ark. How a chance to start over may not be so bad after all.

You didn’t realised how late it had gotten till Erwin yawned and started rubbing his eyes. No one really referred to watches anymore after all. Time was told by the position of the sun and activities planned around the hours of daytime. You bid him goodnight, and hurried off to your room, where you found Levi, up, reading the Lord of the Flies again. You remarked that he seemed to really like the book, and he stared at you for a moment, before leaving it on the bedside table, and attacking you right at the door, in a way he had never before done.

The sex, you reflect now, felt like it held some kind of answer for Levi, but you’re damned if you know the question to which it matches. Your chest tightens, and the old bloated feeling of loneliness expands in your ribcage, pressing against the bones. You get up mechanically, but Levi says nothing. You look over at him, and his eyes are trained on the ceiling, though you very much doubt he is seeing it.

Gathering your clothes, you rush to the bathroom and resisting the urge to keep the shower running and cry under it, scrub off as much as you can. There is a gentle knock on the door, and Levi’s voice, floats through it. “F/n, let me in.”

“I don’t want to.” You answer immediately, though in your heart of hearts, you want him beside you. You want him to comfort you, you want him to hold you and brush his fingers through your hair and have him tell you he’s sorry, that everything will be okay, that it’ll be alright. But you are an adult – not much of one, you think – but an adult still. You won’t stand to be treated that way, like some kind of plaything who’ll be tossed around just because you _love_ him.

“Please.” That one word carries more meaning within it than you thought possible. Regret, concern, sadness, anger and a desperate plea rolled into one. You open the door, just a crack, to reveal downcast grey eyes.

“What.” It comes out sounding just as irritated and confused as you feel.

“I want to talk to you. Please, let me in.” He says. His chin is stubborn, but clenched tightly, as if he is waiting to be reprimanded like a child who has been caught being naughty. Your heart melts a little, but not wanting to be caught up in this, you keep your expression guarded, and let him into the small bathroom.

It is still comfortable, even with two people crammed into it. You’re still somewhat sudsy, and but you are comfortable in the humid mist surrounding the shower.

Levi lifts his gaze to yours, reaching out his hands for you, asking for permission before he touches you. You sigh softly, and beckon for him to join you in the shower. Turning back to the showerhead, you close your eyes against the muted streams, ears attuned to the sound of shifting cloth as he rids himself of the sparse garments he’s put on to make the short journey from your room to the bath.

He steps in behind you not long after, and drops his soot-coloured head so that his forehead rests on your shoulder. “I’m sorry” he mumbles into your neck.

“You’re saying that a lot lately.”

“Because I fuck up a lot lately.”

“Tell me what’s wrong.” You keep your voice steady and calming.

He sighs, and wraps his arms around you, tight and warm against your skin. Whatever hardness was remaining in your heart peels away and becomes lost in the flood of utter, painful love you feel for the lonely, stupid man trying to lose himself in you. Turning around you pull him to you, whispering gentle nothings in his ear, kissing his damp forehead and rubbing circles into his scalp. He sighs again and it occurs to you that this is the first time Levi has shown weakness to you. This is the first time he’s made himself so completely vulnerable to you, and in that sodden hair and slump of normally prideful shoulders, you see a little boy who was never loved the way he wanted to be, and never once knew what love felt like.

“Oh, Levi.” Your voice quavers, and you reach to turn the faucet off, before drawing him closer to you and sliding to sit in the bathtub, rocking his limp body in your arms.

 

You urge him to sleep in that morning, dropping a kiss on his forehead, and return an hour later to an empty bed only to be told by a chuckling Petra that he crawled into bed with Eren and Mikasa. You find the three of them there, snuggled together in a heap under the blankets, chests rising and falling in near unison.

Levi, when he finally wakes up, says nothing about what happened in the shower that night, but he does go back to his usual self, telling you as you prepare to run out the door to join Jean and Petra in cleaning snowdrifts off the solar panels, to ‘not be an idiot and lace your boots right’. But when you come back, you find a steaming cup of coffee waiting for you in your room on your desk, and it brings a surprised smile to your face.

Later, you teach Eren and Mikasa the long-awaited art of building a snowman and halfway through Erwin comes out to help. You and Erwin leave Eren and Mikasa to build to their hearts’ desires and sit not too far away on the deck to watch them.

“Have you gotten around to talking to Levi yet?” You ask, offhandedly.

“No…not really.” Erwin seems to have the same habit as his brother, of staring off into the distance at random intervals during conversations.

“Are you going to?”

“I don’t know. I’m not sure it would be the most diplomatic thing to do under such circumstances.”

“What do you mean?” You ask, curiously.

“Well, we’re only here long enough to develop the vaccine. After that’s done, we need to find another lab where we can mass produce it, and start sending out word to the remaining survivors. I assume, considering the state of things, that that will take quite a long time.”

“And after that?”

“I don’t know. Bringing survivors together, I suppose. Rebuilding society, like you said.”

“But you’re gonna leave? And what about Levi?”

Erwin frowns at you. “When I left, I didn’t leave for good. I would have gone back, except my father – our father – kept telling me I wasn’t to step into the house ever again. You see, when I’d left, they’d sort of arranged a marriage for me. And when that fell through, it was…disgraceful.”

“Does Levi know?”

“To some extent, I suppose he does. But there were other ways of getting in contact with him. He knows it, and I know it, but f/n, I’ll be honest with you.” Erwin’s dark eyebrows draw together. “I was scared. Of what he might think of me. Of our parents. What they might’ve told him.”

“So you did the easier thing.” You finish, and he seems appreciative of the lack of judgment in your tone. How could you judge him? You picked the easier route more times than you care to admit in your life.

“Yes.”

You watch Eren chase Mikasa around with a snowball clenched tightly in his fist. She laughs, and the tinkle of her giggles breaks the solemnity between you and Erwin, and the two of you start to laugh as well. Watching the two of them, you comment to him.

“What do you think of those two, hmm? Future leaders of the new world?” You grin.

“Why, f/n, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you sounded like a proud mother hen.” Erwin snickers and you wink.

“Of course I’m proud. They’re going places, those two.” You tell him, with conviction.

 

It seems to you that things in life come together in unexpected ways, even during a zombie apocalypse, or as Erwin would call it, boringly, you might add, an epidemic.

Levi walks in while you’re cooking up the latest of the canned food series in a pot, and offers to cut canned mushrooms. He hasn’t done that before, but you’re grateful for the help, while the rest of them help out around the house. They’ve all fit in rather nicely. Ymir and Christa are always up for helping with housework, sweeping and dusting, changing sheets, doing laundry out in the cold. Hange and Mike rarely leave the lab, but when they do, they are happy to help out in the kitchen, Hange yammering away the whole time, and Mike sniffing food items seemingly at random.

Erwin, Jean and Petra prefer to help outside, tending to everyday maintenance. Between the lot of them, you doubt you’ll have much to do in general other than being substitute mother to Eren and Mikasa – which in truth is a colossal job in itself. Teaching Eren Math is proving to be one of the greater trials you have ever faced, but Levi told you earlier today he supervised Eren himself, and his progress was good.

You carry plates out to the dining table as usual once the food is cooked, but two places are conspicuously empty. “Anyone seen Jean and Petra?”

“No.” Christa says, quickly. Much too quickly.

“Christa.” Ymir seems to have caught on as well. “What are you hiding?”

“Um, well.” Christa looks around at a table full of waiting, bemused faces. “They’re at the uhm. Shed.”

“The shed?” You mutter. “What’s there to do in the – oh.” Understanding catches you off guard and you hastily try to change the subject, but it’s much too late. The entire cabin save for the culprits and the children has caught on.

“Man I didn’t think Jean was man enough.” That little jibe comes from Ymir.

“Brats can’t keep their damn hormones under control.” Levi rolls his eyes. “They better not mess up my shed.”

 _His shed?_ You shoot him a look but he doesn’t seem to have noticed his blunder. Has he been thinking of this cabin as his? Hope bubbles in you and you hide a smile behind a napkin. He’s wonderful and you blush at the thought.

“…just kids…”Erwin was saying, and Levi snorts at a joke he made. You catch Erwin’s eye and you exchange smiles. It appears Levi is coming around after all.

The ‘kids’ in question choose that moment to emerge from the main door, clothes slightly askew, faces flushed, embarrassed smiles on their faces. It would have appeared innocuous if not for Christa’s indirect admission of their activities.

You cannot keep your mirth held in any longer and let out the tiniest of giggles. Like a domino effect, the giggles spread and culminate in outright guffaws at the table. Hange is bent double wheezing, Erwin, Levi and Mike, stoic even in the face of comedy, only chuckle. Ymir, Christa and you are just as uninhibited in your amusement, and Jean goes on the defensive.

“What’re you all laughin’ at?” He dares you all to continue, but this only heightens the intensity of your laughter.

“What were you searching for in the shed?” Ymir manages. “A bone?”

On cue, Petra and Jean turn bright red to their ears, choking and trying to make excuses, but you’re all laughing too hard to hear them.

 

This time, when you stay up to chat with the others, Levi stays with you, his hand clasped over yours. He excuses you both when you start to rub at your eyes. He pulls you close as soon as you get under the sheets and right before you fall asleep, he gives you a kiss so filled with tenderness it makes your heart hurt.


	10. Domestically Inclined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winter is almost over and as the world thaws, it starts over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update took so long! My exams just ended. Thank god for that. This is going to also end soon...but not to worry, there will certainly be an epilogue.

Mellifluous strains of birdsong mark the gentle departure of winter one morning, when you’re outside trying to conduct a science lesson with an attentive Mikasa and a groaning Eren. Days have been growing longer without you even realising it, and the sun has been coming up brighter than ever. Snow has been thinning out, and lately Eren has been complaining about the mushy consistency it has taken on – completely unsuitable for the usual snow activities.

This perks you up considerably, and you decide to let them off for the rest of the day, advising them to stay nearby where Jean and Petra, working nearby at the well, could still see them.

It’s been a few weeks since you dragged yourself to the task of journaling. You have never really taken to the mundane routine of it, but considering you need to keep cultivating your talent, it is a necessary task.

_These wonderful months of living with Levi have taught me a few things, but the most important is probably that he is a man of few words. He communicates through doing and not saying. I always used to think that verbal communication was the most important thing in a relationship, but lately my perception has been changing. He’s been doing more and more for me. Most mornings, he’s already up making breakfast even before I’ve brushed my teeth. He never forgets my coffee._

_He’s even taken my advice with Erwin, and is actually making an effort to repair whatever is left of their relationship. He’s snarky as ever with Jean but that’s only because the copper-haired kid gets mad so quickly, and it’s a running gag even with Petra. Those two have become outwardly lovey-dovey, in the honeymoon stages of their budding relationship and it is rapidly driving the rest of us nuts._

_I guess my point is, there are a lot of ways to say I love you, and I think I’m okay with it even if Levi never says it for the rest of his life. Because truth be told, I already know._

“You never let me read your journal.” Levi states over your shoulder, and you slam your hands down on the ink, thanking god you were using ballpoint and not the fountain pen. Picking up the pages, you quickly slide open a drawer and deposit them within, shutting it.

“That,” you get up and slide your arms around him, palms coming up to rub his back, “is because it’s personal.”

“You’re trying to distract me.” It’s a statement but you answer anyway.

“That depends on whether or not it’s working.”

Levi only lets his hands grip your butt and heave upward, settling you on the desk you were sitting at moments ago. You hum happily, and kiss him, legs falling open to allow him better access.

An embarrassed cough interrupts you, and you remember that it is the middle of the day and your bedroom door just so happens to be open. Levi pulls away just enough to cock his head at the intruder irritably.

“E-Erwin asked me to fetch you and Levi, f/n.” Christa whispers, pale cheeks aflame.

You nod and plant your hands on Levi’s chest, pushing him away despite his grumbles. “Where is he, Christa?”

“The lab.”

You and Levi exchange a look. You haven’t gone into the lab at all since you’ve been here. You don’t want to rustle up unhelpful thoughts, and your father’s memory will always be preserved there after all, whenever you want to visit it. It sounds like a memorial, you think, slightly upset.

Levi threads his fingers through yours, and you walk in tandem towards the study. From there it’s just a matter of lifting the hatch and walking down the stairs to the stone walled laboratory encased within the foundation of the cabin.

The room is fairly large, but filled with cabinets, and unidentifiable equipment, making it look a lot more crammed than it is. You make your way through the maze of machines, most of which are unplugged to save on electricity, and head to where Erwin is sitting, examining a sheaf of papers upon which spidery handwriting sprawls. Probably your father’s notes.

Behind Erwin, a large corkboard is hung on the wall, and you can see about half a dozen pictures of you and your father together. You pull Levi towards it, pointing excitedly at a picture of you both engaged in a snowball fight. Another shows you sitting in his lap as a chubby two year old, clutching a bar of candy that is mostly all over your face and clothes. Levi stares at them in amazement.

“You look just like your father.” He murmurs, in a low voice. You beam at him, thinking that that is possibly the best compliment he has ever given you.

Erwin walks over and places a steady hand on your shoulder. He looks somewhat triumphant, but grave. “F/n, Levi, first I should tell you we’re grateful for the hospitality you’ve shown us.”

You immediately catch on. “You’re all leaving, aren’t you?”

He nods, a sad little smile gracing his chiselled features. “The vaccine’s development stage has been completed.”

Levi crosses his arms over his chest. “You should leave Jean, Christa and Ymir here. They’re just kids, they have no place travelling out there. It’s too dangerous.”

“I had no thoughts of even taking them with us!” Erwin protests, and Levi’s gaze softens considerably. “We will return, obviously, if we manage to get together enough survivors, and rebuild again…”

“Of course.” You tell him, with conviction. “There’s plenty of land here, miles of it. We could build and add on to the structure – it’s not impossible.”

“I’m glad you think so.” Erwin nods at you, with a renewed look of admiration that you don’t usually see on his face.

“Spring’s almost here.” Levi states. “You’re leaving then, I presume.”

“Yes. Hange and Mike will brief the other three.”

“I’m not sure Jean will be very happy being left behind.” You chuckle.

“You’d be surprised. After all, he has Petra to think about now.” Erwin points out.

“Jean and Petra.” You whistle. “I have to say, of all the things that have surprised me the past three months, it has got to be them.”

The three of you laugh gently. You feel a vague sorrow come over you. In two months of this blissful cabin life with your new, rag-tag family, you had gotten accustomed to seeing their faces every morning, and the attachment, was as strong as it was new.

“Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help!” You call as you ascend the stairs back to the main cabin.

“Will do!” Comes the reply, and as you close the hatch behind you, you sigh audibly. Levi seems to understand and mirror your fears and feelings.

“I’m going to miss them so much. And so is Eren. He really took a liking to Erwin y’know?” You rub at the back of your neck.

“It’s not permanent, f/n. They’ll be back.”

You groan. “I know but anything could happen out there! I don’t like the thought of them not being with us. We wouldn’t even know if anything happened to them….or if…”

“You’re thinking too much. Erwin’s my brother, you really think he can’t take care of them?” Levi rolls his eyes and tches, as is his usual habit. His tches can mean a lot of different things, you’ve come to learn, as varied as his microexpressions. You’ve pretty much memorised them all. The small furrow in the middle of his eyebrows could mean either intense focus or irritation. And the slight downward curl of his mouth means worry, and you see it now.

You look up sharply into his grey eyes. “I know you’re worried about your brother too.” Levi and Erwin haven’t exactly reconciled in a big way, but the interaction between them has evolved in subtle ways, and you know Levi has forgiven him. The man has a bigger heart than he cares to admit.

“I am.” Levi concedes. “But I also know he can handle himself. You should have some faith in him, Hange and Mike.”

You throw up your hands in exaggerated surrender. “Yeah yeah okay, I got it.” Levi clasps both of your upturned hands and pulls you in for a quick kiss. He does this pretty much every day but you sure haven’t gotten used to it, and it’s obvious in the way your knees feel weak and your fingers tingle.

He releases you almost immediately, and threads the fingers of his left hand through those of your right. In tandem, you both walk down the hall to where Eren and Mikasa are giggling in the living room.

“F/n!” Eren calls, fussing over something flat and square lying on the ground. “Look what we found!”

M-monopoly?

“You found the monopoly board!” You clap your hands together, pleased. “Do you guys know how to play?”

Mikasa looks up at you and gives her head a tiny shake.

You rub your hands in glee. “I’ll teach you. Come on Levi, it’s been ages since I played!”

“Hold on a minute, f/n.” Levi says, mysteriously. “Eren, Mikasa, we have something to tell you.”

“Eh?” You stare at him wide-eyed, as do the children.

“Spring time is coming,” Levi explains. “So Erwin, Mike and Hange will be leaving for a little while to get more people to join us.”

 _Oh._ Eren’s face falls instantaneously. “Erwin’s leaving?”

Mikasa’s face takes on a look of surprised disappointment. You know that she’s been hanging around the three scientists, looking on as they work with an almost supervising air. You’ve noticed her starting to take on a lot of Levi’s habits – the two of them are starting to look like father and daughter. The future spreads itself out in front of you for a brief, tumultuous instant – family walks, watching the two children grow into adults, teaching them the ways of the world. All the things that your father had done for you, you would be able to pass on to your children. And they were yours. You had no doubt about this, and you suspected neither did Levi. It had been something the two of you had taken on together, without even really thinking about it.

“It’ll be okay, honey. He’s coming back.” You hold your arms out and Eren comes to you happily, settling into your lap like he’s always belonged there, cold fingers tugging gently at your earlobes as he normally does.

Mikasa on the other hand allows Levi to lift her into his own lap, where she boldly tugs on his bangs. Levi casts a warm look of fatherly adoration down at her, the barest of smiles gracing his beautiful pale face and Mikasa’s own upturned visage mirrors it. The things it does to your heart cannot quite be explained in words, but you can feel a swelling in your ribcage and your love for them in this moment alone feels tangible in the air and in your palms.

“I love you.” The words spill from behind your tongue where you’ve been keeping them hidden this whole time, the ever-present fear that he may not return your feelings always holding you back.

Levi looks up, the spell broken, and you bite your lip in cautious hope for some seconds before he responds. “I know.” He says, in the most matter-of-fact tone, and then looks at Eren. “Do you still want to play Monopoly?”

It takes you aback, and you splutter indignantly. “ _You know?_ Is that it?!”

He levels you an amused but exasperated look. “Of course I know. I was under the impression you knew I love you, brat.” He tches, but this one has a different intonation to it. You’ve never heard it before, and as Levi lowers his face back to the board, you notice a faint reddish glow to the skin on the back of his neck and ears. He’s… _embarrassed_ , you think, somewhat awed.

“I love you.” You tell him again, loving the taste of the words on your lips. The blush deepens by a shade or two, and you smile widely at the sight.

Eren groans. “F/n!”

“I love you and Mikasa too, Eren.” You press a sloppy kiss to his cheek and Eren hollers and squirms, giggling uncontrollably.

Mikasa, seemingly emboldened by the group display of affection, wraps tiny arms around Levi’s neck and kisses him on his jaw.

“D’awww….” You pull her into your arms and bundle the two kids up in a tight hug. Eren fights this with all his might, pretending as hard as he can not to like it, and engages in some kind of reverse wrestling, and amidst the ruckus, Levi leans over and kisses the shell of your ear, and tells you he loves you and the kids more than anything in the world, and you smile at him so hard it hurts.


End file.
